All At Once
by merder4everandever
Summary: It was those little things about Meredith that made him love her even more. Meredith changed him. She was his reason to go on. Everyone has a guilty pleasure....and everyone has a secret. MERDER AND MEREX FANFIC WITH IZZIE! Chapter 34 is up! R & R PLEAS
1. What would you do?

Meredith awoke to the smell of Izzie cooking in the kitchen. Ever since Callie told her she was pregnant, Izzie couldn't stop baking! She had no idea what was wrong with her, but whatever it was, it was bad! Izzie only baked when things were bad, but Meredith had her own problems. She couldn't believe she was pregnant! Right after she broke things off with Derek, she found out! How could she tell him? She couldn't tell him! She wanted the dust to settle between them, and telling him she was pregnant was only stirring things up more!

"MEREDITH, BREAKFAST!" Izzie called from the bottom of the stairs.

Meredith pulled the covers over her face. She didn't want to get up. She wanted everything to be over! The pregnancy, the hormones, and the drama! She wanted to disappear.

"What's wrong?" Alex questioned as he crawled next to Meredith.

"Nothing, I'm just not feeling that great."

"Well Izzie's pancakes will make you feel better! They are DELICIOUS!"

Meredith smiled. Alex always put a smile on her face. He was exactly like her in so many ways. He got her. Whenever she was with him, she felt safe. Like no one would hurt her.

"ALEX, MEREDITH! I AM NOT CALLING YOU AGAIN!" Izzie screamed as she waved her spatula around like a fly squatter.

Meredith and Alex rolled their eyes and sluggishly came down the stairs.

"Finally, it's getting cold!"

"What's the big deal Iz? You've been so uptight the past week!" Alex stated as he dug into a stack of pancakes.

"Nothing, I'm just stressed. A girl can only take so much stress!"

"Well what are you stressed about?" If anyone knew about stress it was Meredith. There was no way that Izzie had more stress than her! After all she was the one that was pregnant! Not Izzie!

Izzie took a deep breathe then sighed, "Life. I'm stressed about life. It's so damn hard!"

Meredith nodded in agreement. Life was hard, and if anyone knew a way to make it easier, they should definitely give her a call.

* * *

Meredith, Alex, and Izzie arrived at the hospital just in time for rounds. Izzie's hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and her skin was flawless. Meredith hated Izzie for that. How could she be so perfect? She was working the same hours, she had the same amount of stress, and yet she still looked like a supermodel! Meredith's hair was in a messy pony-tail which took her 5 seconds to do. Either way, Meredith couldn't hide her stress. When she was stressed out, everyone knew it. But Izzie could hide hers VERY well, and if there was one thing Meredith envied, it was that.

Meredith sighed as her mind continued to think about Izzie's hair. She was pregnant, PREGNANT, and she was thinking about hair. She needed coffee, she needed it fast! But most of all, she needed a way out.

* * *

Alex groaned as he stared at the stack of charts he had to complete. He hated charts. If there was one thing Alex wanted to disappear in this world, it was charts. He slowly took the folders, and headed to his patients rooms. On his way, he caught Meredith filling out a chart, drinking coffee. She was so beautiful. She wasn't high maintenance. She wasn't a snob. She was perfect to him. Sure she has issues, but so does he! He wanted Meredith, and that shocked him. He shook his head at the thought because he knew she loved Derek. It was always Derek. But even if it was Derek, could she ever have feelings for him?

* * *

Derek knocked on the Chief's door. And for some reason, he was nervous. He never thought about transferring before, but now that Meredith was moving on, how could he stay? She was his reason to go on. He needed her. But she didn't need him. She broke up with him. She was gone. How did he let that happen? How did he let her get away?

"Derek, come in."

Derek stepped into the Chief's office. This would've been his office. He was offered the job, and he refused it. If he was offered the Chief position a year ago, he would've accepted in a heart beat. But, Meredith changed him. She changed everything.

"Take a seat."

Derek slowly sat down. Why was he so nervous? Was he afraid of wanting something? Was he afraid of getting away? Or was he afraid of leaving Meredith?

"Chief, I know this is a bit of a surprise, but if you wouldn't mind, I would like to transfer."

The chief sat there stunned. Transfer? His top neuro-surgeon wanted to TRANSFER?! He couldn't allow it! He wouldn't allow it!

"What?! Derek, your at one of the best, no let me rephrase that, the BEST hospital on the West Coast and you want to TRANSFER?!"

"I'm sorry; I just don't think this is the place for me right now."

"Oh yes it is, you're not transferring!"

"Chief, with all due respect, you don't own my life! If I want to transfer, I should be able to!"

Richard rubbed his eyes. He wasn't hearing this. Derek Shepherd couldn't be transferring! The chief inhaled deeply then said calmly, "Why?"

Derek paused. He couldn't tell the chief his relationship problems! Plus, if he did, he would not accept that as a good excuse. Derek folded his hands together and blurted out, "I think this hospital is not doing that well. First Addison leaves for LA, and then Burke leaves for San Diego. This hospital is falling apart."

Richard gritted his teeth. What was this man talking about? Seattle Grace is one of the finest hospitals out there! It's not falling apart! There had to be something else. He knew there was something else. And that something else was Meredith Grey.

* * *

Meredith was in the cafeteria flipping through a text book; Alex sat down next to her.

"Hey, watch you up to?"

"Nothing, just studying."

"Oh, cool." Alex watched Meredith pull her hair back behind her ear. He watched her wrinkle her nose when she didn't get something. He even noticed that whenever she knew an answer to a question, she would smile, but not in her mouth, in her eyes. It was those little things that made Alex like Meredith even more.

"Ugh! I hate doing charts!" Izzie yelled angrily as she plopped down her lunch tray next to Alex.

"Join the club," Alex sighed.

"Even as a resident the work NEVER stops," Izzie exclaimed as she jammed her fork into her salad. But it wasn't just the work Izzie was stressed about. She was stressed about George. She loved him. But he chose Callie. He was having a baby with Callie. He loved Callie, not her.

"Well, I have to go," Meredith yawned as she took another sip of her coffee. She hated that being pregnant made you tired. She hated being pregnant! She needed to tell Derek. He deserved to know. She had to tell him….right?


	2. Hiding secrets

Derek rolled his eyes as Richard yelled at him about transferring. Sure, he was leaving a great hospital, but he couldn't stay here. Meredith was the love of his life. He told her that. She knew, but she ended it. She couldn't commit. For a minute, he thought it was unreal when she ended things with him. He thought it was a dream. But, it wasn't. She only said two words: It's over. At the time, he had no idea that those two words would send his world crashing down.

"Richard, please, no more lecturing! I get it! I'm leaving a great hospital; my reputation will be ruined, and people will think of me as an average surgeon. I know, but I can't stay here!"

"Meredith Grey."

"Excuse me?"

"She's your reason for leaving. Isn't she Derek?

Derek sat there. Richard knew. Was it that obvious? Did he seem that heat broken? Very slowly, Derek said, "No."

* * *

Alex watched Meredith from the gallery. She was going to be an excellent surgeon. There was no doubt about that. She was focused, and when she picked up that scalpel, it was just her and the surgery. Alex wished he could be like that. No distractions. But Meredith, she was a HUGE distraction to him. Izzie sat down next to Alex.

"What's up with you and Meredith?"

"Huh? Uhm, nothing!" Alex did NOT want Izzie finding out. First of all, Izzie was a blabber mouth. She was a gossip girl. Alex didn't mind it, but this was a secret to him…well, for now at least.

"Oh, COME ON! Everyone can see you've had your eyes fixed on Meredith all day!" Izzie knew something was up. She could sense these things. But, Alex and Meredith were just like her and George. Friends who out of the blue started to have feelings for one another. It was when there were other people involved that made everything so damn complicated!

"No, I haven't!"

"Oh, yeah! You totally have!"

Alex rolled his eyes at Izzie. Who cares if she knew something was up? What was she going to do? All Alex had to worry about was telling Meredith his feelings…and, well…Derek!

* * *

Meredith walked out of the OR. She was still tried, and she began to feel sharp pains in her stomach. She groaned. This wasn't happening. She wasn't the person that was supposed to have a kid! She was the person that was supposed to be a fantastic surgeon. But for some reason, she HAD to get pregnant. For some reason, she HAD to break things off with Derek right before she got pregnant. And for some reason, she HAD to be dark and twisty.

* * *

The chief sat at his desk, staring at the stack of papers Derek had signed. It was official. He was leaving. He had these stack of papers to prove it! He never thought all of his attendings would just quit on him! First there was Addison, then Burke, and now Derek! The only attending he had left was Mark and he was the last guy you would want left standing. Richard stood up, scratched his head, and exhaled deeply. He had to figure out a way to have Derek change his mind or the hospital WOULD fall apart. The only person that came to mind was: Meredith Grey.

* * *

Meredith sat down at the nurse's station. She had to rest, even if it was just for a little bit. She startled herself when she saw Derek walk past her. She prayed that he didn't see her. He was the last person she wanted to see. She knew that if she talked to him, she would tell him she was pregnant. And she had to wait for the right moment. But in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder, will there ever be a right moment? 


	3. So many questions, so little time

**AN: Thanks for all the comments! I LOVE LOVE LOVE Merex, but I also love Merder…so you will just have to keep reading to see who I pair Meredith with… ;)**

* * *

Alex walked out of the gallery with Izzie. She was questioning him over and over again about Meredith! He couldn't stand it! He wasn't ready to tell the world he was in love with Meredith Grey; he was barley ready to tell Meredith!

"Okay, so I need details, when did you first start to have the butterflies?"

"IZZIE, For the ONE THOUSANDTH time, STOP!"

"I'm just trying to see where you're coming from! I mean you and Mer were good friends, but then out of the blue you two started to have feelings for one another."

"I don't know if she has feelings for me…"

"But you have feelings for her?" Izzie asked with a grin.

"I'm shutting up now!" Alex gave Izzie a face. He loved her to death, but the girl could get a bit neurotic at times. As he walked past the nurse's station, he saw Derek. He envied him. He had it all! The girl, the hair, the job! He even sometimes wished he was Derek!

"Oh, Dr. Karev, I need you on a consult!" Derek said hurriedly.

"Can't one of the interns do it?" Alex said coldly. Just cause he was the boss of him did not mean he had to be nice to him. After all, this was the guy that broke Meredith into a million pieces when his wife showed up. Alex had every right to be cold towards him!

"They are all on other cases, and I really need you on this one."

"Sorry, I'm busy." Alex kept walking. He didn't want to talk or help that man! The only thing he wanted was Meredith.

* * *

Meredith woke up in the on call room. How long had she slept? She looked at her watch and sighed, only 15 minutes. But, even 15 minutes felt good! She had to see a doctor about this pregnancy thing. What if something was wrong with the baby? What if something was wrong with her? Her daydreaming was interrupted by Alex coming into the room.

"Oh, hey! What are you doing in here?"

"Sleeping, I'm so tired for some reason."

"I see."

"What are you doing here?"

"Uh, I had to think…"

"About what?"

What was he going to say? Oh, Meredith I wanted to think about you. He would scare her off! He had to play it cool; he had to make up something. But in the back of his mind, he desperately wanted her to know how he felt. After all, they were roommates; she was going to find out eventually!

"Uh, well, Mer…do you mind if I tell you something?"

"No not at all."

"Uh, okay, here I go…I woke up this morning and all of the sudden I couldn't stop thinking about you. You've been on my mind all week, and it scares the crap out of me. I know how this is going to sound, but I, I love you Meredith Grey. Don't freak out because that's the last thing I want you to do. I just need you. Without you I feel lost, like a piece of me is missing. I don't know if you have the same feelings about me, but I really hope you do because I need you…"

Meredith sat there stunned. Alex Karev LOVED her?! This was more shocking than the pregnancy! She knew Alex had SOME feelings for her, but LOVE! Meredith never thought he _loved _her! What was she supposed to say? She had been so worried about the pregnancy that her feelings were all mixed up.

"Uh, I, uh, well…" Meredith was speechless. She couldn't find the right words. She needed time to process everything. Because right now was not the right time to say what she was feeling, because she didn't know what she felt.

"Take your time, don't rush. I know this is pretty big, so don't worry about it. Take your time." Alex slowly closed the door on his way out. As he was walking, he couldn't get the image of Meredith's face out of his head. The whole time he was talking to her, her face was a mix of emotions: shock, happiness, fear, confusion….maybe she just needed time. But, what if she was thinking of a way to let him down easy? What if he just made a complete fool out of himself? What if she really did love him? What would he do if she didn't…

* * *

Derek chewed on his pen as he thought about Meredith, the transferring, and life. Would he ever see Meredith again if he transferred? Could he really live without her? He was so confused. He was worried about her. She was avoiding him, he could tell. But the question was why? Was she hiding something from him? Was she scared to talk to him? Or was she really over him? He fidgeted with his name tag as he thought about everything. He needed to get out of Seattle, at least for a little bit. He needed to sort things out in his head, because he knew if he didn't he would go crazy. But in reality, he needed to talk to Meredith. He needed to see if she was moving on. But, he had to wait. And as he rocked back and fourth in his chair, it hit him, waiting was the worst thing in the world. 


	4. When secrets are reveled

Meredith knocked on Dr. Hillman's door. She was the new OBGYN and Meredith had to find out about her baby. Dr. Hillman slowly opened the door. Meredith was a little surprised when she saw her. She was tall, very pretty, and had gorgeous brown hair.

"May I help you?" Dr. Hillman questioned, lowering her rectangular-shaped glasses.

"Uhm, well you see, I need a…favor."

"And that would be?" Dr. Hillman often got annoyed with people who were afraid to tell her their problems. They knocked on her door; they should be able to spit it out!

"I'm well, I'm pregnant. And I want to get things checked out."

Dr. Hillman rolled her eyes, and pulled Meredith into the room. She immediately got out a chart, sat on her chair, and crossed her legs. Meredith was a little intimidated by how fast moving Dr. Hillman was, but she had to go along with it because after all, she was her doctor.

"Nausea? Stomach pains? Allergies?"

"Uh…yes, yes, and no."

"Typical. Okay I'm going to take a couple blood tests to see if anything is wrong. How long have you been pregnant?"

"I found out a couple weeks ago."

"Okay, so most likely we will be able to correct the problems, if there is any, in time for the birth."

"Okay, good. When will I see the results?"

"In about an hour."

An hour. Meredith's entire future would become known in an hour. She hoped that nothing was wrong, because if there was a problem, she would tell somebody. And she wasn't ready. She ran her fingers through her hair then mumbled to herself, "One hour."

* * *

Alex sat on the cold floor and put his hands on his head. She didn't even look for him! He was convinced she had no feelings for him what so ever. He sighed then looked out the large window. It was a cloudy day, and not even a speck of sunshine was cracking through the clouds. "That is exactly how I feel," Alex mumbled, "Not a speck of sunshine…"

* * *

Izzie was coming out of surgery when she spotted Dr. Hillman. She was very interested in OBGYN and wanted desperately to shadow Hillman. Izzie slowly walked up to the gorgeous doctor.

"Hello, my name is Izzie Stevens, first year resident, and I was wondering if I could shadow you today?"

"Uh, sorry kid, but I'm already working on a case."

"I could help. I'm a really good helper!" Izzie shook her head at herself: A really good helper?! What was she thinking!

"Uh, well you could run these tests. I have to bring these ones to a Dr. Shepherd for examination." Dr. Hillman handed Izzie the tests. As she was handing them to her, Izzie spotted a name on Dr. Hillman's papers. She thought she recognized the name, but didn't have a chance to fully see it. Dr. Hillman scurried off before Izzie had a chance to see the name clearly. Izzie shook her head, and then went to the lab to deliver the tests.

* * *

Derek was on his way out the door when he got a page. It read: Dr. Hillman-consult. Derek was going to ignore the page, just keep on walking, but then he decided he would do one last consult before he took off. He walked up the stairs to Dr. Hillman's office. Every step he took, his heart got heavy. He had no idea why, but he knew that in a couple minutes, he would never see Meredith again. She would be gone. He would be gone. Derek knocked on Hillman's door.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd, come in."

Derek stepped into the large office. He thought he spotted papers that said: Meredith Grey. He shook his head at the thought because he knew Meredith wouldn't be pregnant. Dr. Hillman handed him blood test papers, and Derek looked through them.

"Twins?" Derek questioned, his eyes still fixed on the papers.

"Yes, and twin 1 has spinal fluid in the brain which means…"

"Brain damage."

"Yep, you can operate can't you?"

"Well we did catch it early enough, I don't see why not."

"Okay, so I will contact the mother and you will perform surgery on her later this evening?"

"Yes, that would be fine."

"Great, I'll inform her now."

Dr. Hillman rushed out the door; Derek continued to read the papers. All of a sudden, he froze. His face got white, his mouth went dry, and everything he thought he knew disappeared. Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey. Meredith was pregnant….


	5. What is going on?

Alex was walking out of the hospital when he saw Meredith sitting by herself on the bench. He knew he should leave her alone. But, against his better judgment, he slowly walked up to her and sat next to her.

"Hi. Are you okay?" Alex questioned as he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"What time is it?" She looked at her watch. It had been an hour. Shouldn't she have been paged? She hated waiting.

"It's almost 9. Come on, I'll take you home…"

"No! I need to stay here!" Meredith didn't even look at Alex. She knew if she did she would start crying. Alex was always there for her, supporting her. And if she told him this, if she told him she was pregnant, he would be doing the same thing….supporting her. Normally, Meredith wouldn't mind it. But, he _loved_ her. He was doing more than supporting her; he was loving her, and for some reason that scared her.

"Why? Is something wrong?" Alex was worried. She seemed so uptight. He prayed that he didn't cause her so much stress. He knew she had been stressed out lately, and telling her he loved her was probably not the best move. But, he needed to tell her. He needed her.

"No. Nothing's wrong! Please, Alex, just go! Stop supporting me, I'm fine!" Meredith didn't want to hurt Alex. In fact, the one thing she wanted to do was crawl into his arms, and let him hold her. But she couldn't do that. She had to be strong. Suddenly, she got the page she had been waiting an hour for. She stood up, and ran inside. Alex just sat there watching her. What was going on? He had to find out.

* * *

Meredith ran into Dr. Hillman's office. She was out of breathe, but she had to find out what was wrong.

"Is anything wrong? How is the…" Meredith's voice trailed off. What was Derek doing in here? Did he find out? No, he couldn't have! No one told him! How could he know?

"Meredith, please take a seat," Dr. Hillman said gesturing to the chair a step away from Meredith.

Meredith didn't move. She just stood there, staring at Derek who stared back at her. He knew. She closed her eyes hoping that this was all a dream!

"Meredith! Please, take a seat!" Dr. Hillman angrily exclaimed.

Meredith slowly sat in the chair, her eyes still locked with Derek's.

"Dr. Shepherd, could you please explain to Meredith what we found."

"Uh…well," Derek couldn't find the right words. He couldn't operate on Meredith! He couldn't be responsible for her life and his kid's life! But that wasn't the only thing he was worried about, why didn't Meredith tell him she was pregnant? He felt betrayed, but at the same time, he felt relieved because now he had a reason to stay with her. "We found….we found spinal fluid in twin 1's brain."

"WHAT!?" Meredith exclaimed. TWINS?! She was barley ready to handle one kid, let alone twins! She couldn't do this! She needed help! She needed someone to be by her side. But who was that person?

"Don't worry; we will be able to remove the spinal fluid in twin 1. Dr. Shepherd is very successful with this surgery, and your babies should be fine."

Meredith didn't know what to say, what to think, or what to feel. She was so confused! One, she was carrying TWO babies! Two, Alex loves her! Three, Derek has to operate on HIS kid! And four, she still had NO ONE by her side. She exhaled deeply. Everything around her seemed to be moving so fast. What was she going to do?

* * *

Alex sat on the couch. It was nearing 10 o'clock and Meredith was still not home yet. What was going on? He needed to find her. What if she was in trouble? He grabbed his coat and ran out the door.

* * *

Meredith was in the waiting room, one hand on her head, and one hand on her stomach. Derek watched her. He had to tell Dr. Hillman that he couldn't operate on the love of his life! He just couldn't! He sighed deeply then slowly sat down next to Meredith.

"Meredith…"

"Don't talk to me."

"Look, I know how difficult this must be for you, but…"

"Oh really? You know how hard this is for me! NO you don't! You have NO idea what I'm going through! I can't talk to you right now! I have to be by myself to think about everything that I have just found out in less than 24 hours. So, please, please just leave!"

Derek put his hand on Meredith's shoulder. Meredith started crying. Derek took her and hugged her. She pulled him close and started crying hysterically. She cried even harder when she realized that she kept picturing Alex holding her, instead of Derek. And she had no idea why…


	6. Caught in the Middle

**A/N: Okay, I know half of you love Merex and the other half love Merder. I am caught right in the middle! I love both couples!! So, I'm not sure who Mer is going to end up with yet. It's going to be a rollercoaster from now on, so keep reading, because it's going to get good:)**

* * *

Alex ran into the hospital. No one was there. He heard some noise coming from the top of the stairs. He walked up the stairs and found Meredith by herself, crying.

"Ohh, h-hiii, Alexx." Meredith wiped away a few tears from her eyes.

Alex bent down so he would be eye-level with Meredith.

"What happened?"

"She's fine, Karev."

Alex was startled. What was Derek doing here?!

"Well she doesn't look fine!"

"Go back home, she's okay with me."

Alex wanted to hit that man. He needed to stay by Meredith's side and not even Derek Shepherd could stop that.

"No, I'll stay here too."

Derek shot Alex a look. Why was Alex Karev worried about Meredith all of a sudden?! There was something going on between the two of them, he could tell. The question was what?

"Really, guys its fine. I just need to be by myself for a little bit." The last thing Meredith wanted was a cat fight between Alex and Derek. Her feelings about Alex were all mixed up, and she wasn't even sure about her feelings for Derek!

"No I think it's best if we stay with you. Of course, Derek, you could go home. I mean Meredith and I live together."

Meredith bit her lower lip. She knew Derek was going to lash out at Alex. It's what he did. He got jealous.

Derek cocked his left eyebrow and stared Alex down. If that jackass took Meredith away from him, he'd kill him.

The 2 men stood 4 steps away from each other, silently warning the other to back off or there will be trouble.

"So Meredith, why don't you come back to the trailer with me? You can…" Derek looked at Alex, "get away from everything."

"Uhm, really Derek I'm fine…"

"No, she's coming to HER house with me. Don't worry doc, I'll take good care of her." Alex grinned at Derek. And for the first time, he felt better than him. Derek was jealous of him! Finally, karma was taking its course, and it was going to be one hell of a ride…

* * *

Izzie sat on the couch and looked at her watch. 11 o'clock! Where the heck was Meredith and Alex?! She sighed then grabbed the chocolate ice cream from the freezer. She might as well eat when no one was home. She sat on the couch, turned on the TV, and dug into her ice cream. Suddenly, she realized how pathetic she was. It was a Friday night and she was by herself eating ice cream. She looked at her ice cream then sighed. "Well, I might be by myself, but at least I have delicious ice cream!" Izzie smiled at herself then shook her head at how stupid she was being. She decided to look for Alex and Meredith. She got out her coat, and walked out the door.

* * *

Meredith was in the bathroom. She had to get away from Derek and Alex. She hated being in the middle of things, and she _really_ was in the middle of this! She looked at her reflection in the hazy mirror. Who was she? She didn't even know! And by not knowing who she was…she had no clue who she loved. She startled herself when she heard a knock on the door. It was Izzie.

"Hey what are you doing in here?"

Meredith looked at Izzie then sighed, "Well, I'm kind of hiding from Alex and Derek."

Izzie burst out laughing. "Why?!"

"Because apparently Alex loves me, and Derek is really jealous."

"Oh, I saw that coming. You should've seen it too!"

"What do you mean?"

"Alex has been staring at you all week! You didn't notice that?"

"Well, I've, uhm, I've been a little...stressed out lately."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm uhm…promise you won't tell?"

Izzie nodded. What could Meredith be hiding?

"I'm pregnant…and Derek's the father."

Izzie's jaw dropped. PREGNANT?! How could she be pregnant, and not tell her!

"Oh boy, well, you have weaved a pretty tangled web my friend…"

"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes at herself, "Boy, do I know…"


	7. Fight for love?

A/N: Okay, I'm going to be out of town till Thursday. So, leave some love, and there will be MANY more updates when I come back! Thanks again for reading!!!!!! Remember: COMMENTS ARE THE BEST THING SINCE SLICED BREAD!!!! Haha

* * *

Alex and Derek are sitting in the waiting room 5 seats away from each other.

"Why are you worried about Meredith all of a sudden?" Derek couldn't stand Meredith liking another guy! He was Alex Karev! He was a total pig! Meredith could not be falling for him…could she?

"That's none of your business." Alex did not want Derek knowing that he was in love with Meredith. If he told him that, he would only be adding more fuel to the fire. And eventually, everything would be burning down…

* * *

Meredith is sitting on the bathroom floor with Izzie

"Have you talked to Alex since he told you?" Izzie loved Meredith's love life: it always kept her entertained.

"No," Meredith dug her fingernails into her palm, "I've been trying to avoid him."

"That's stupid! If you don't talk to him he's going to think you have no feelings for him what so ever!"

"What if I don't?"

Izzie gave Meredith a face. "Come on Mer, everyone knows you have SOME feelings towards Alex."

Meredith sighed. Izzie was right; she did have some feelings for him. But, she didn't know how much "some" was.

"I didn't even get to finish my ice cream; I'm getting chips from the vending machine, want any?"

Meredith nodded. "Give me Twinkies, sun chips, a can of coke, Oreos, and those little bite size brownie packs."

Izzie grinned at Meredith; finally she wasn't going to look like a complete pig in front of her! Izzie loved food, and Meredith barley ate, so she always looked like her only comfort was food…which technically it was. "Okay, I'll be right back."

Meredith sunk down on the bathroom floor. She was sick of boys, sick of the pregnancy, and sick of life itself. Why couldn't things be easy for ONE SECOND?! She started twirling her hair, thinking about her twins, and hoping that they would both be alright.

* * *

Izzie jammed 5 dollars into the vending machine.

"Come on you stupid machine, WORK!" Izzie kicked the machine then was startled when Derek walked up to her.

"Oh, Dr. Shepherd, hello."

"Hi." Derek took the 5 dollar bill, turned it around, and let it slide into the machine.

"Wo," Izzie stared at the vendor, "How did you do that?"

"So I guess you're the definition of a dumb blonde?"

Izzie shot Derek a look then laughed. "I'm just tired."

Derek smiled. Izzie was very attractive, but he would never be attracted _towards_ her. He already loved Meredith, he couldn't love another girl the same way he loved Meredith…right?

"Well, I better go, Meredith is starving."

"Meredith's in there with you?"

"Yeah, but I think she wants to be alone."

"Oh, of course."

"So are you and Alex beating each other up in there?"

"We were about to but I figured I would just come help you with the vending machine."

Izzie laughed, "Well, thank you, I'll see you later."

"Bye."

Izzie walked towards with bathroom with the snacks in her hands. Did she just flirt with Derek Shepherd? No, she couldn't have! Derek was the last person she thought she would flirt with! Plus, she already had George, who was currently with Callie! Izzie sighed then walked into the bathroom shaking her head from the thought that she could possibly be attracted to Derek.

* * *

The Chief was at his desk doing paperwork when he heard noise coming from the lobby. He walked down to find Alex and Derek sitting on opposite ends of the room, ignoring each other.

"Derek? What are you still doing here? I thought you left."

"Yeah, actually I think I'm staying here for a little while."

Alex rolled his eyes, if only that idiot would leave!

"Wow, that's fantastic!" Richard grinned, then started singing under his breathe, "My top nuero-surgeon isn't leaving, my top nuero-surgeon isn't leaving!"

Derek smiled, he knew Richard would be dancing around the entire hospital if he could, because let's face it; he was his top neuro-surgeon.

Alex shook his head at the chief, sure Derek was a great surgeon, but the hospital wouldn't fall to pieces if he left! To Alex, everything would be a whole lot easier if he would just leave.

"Well I better go finish my paper work!" The chief danced out of the lobby, still singing his song under his breathe.

Alex looked at Derek, "You know you're not as great as you think you are."

"Excuse me?"

"I know who you are. You're the overly confident-I'm the best in the world- no one can stop me-dude. You're cocky."

Derek shot Alex a look. This creep was NOT calling him cocky. "I'M cocky?! You know I thought we could handle this like mature adults but I guess we can't, so I feel more than obligated to kicking your ass right here right now."

Alex laughed. "Dude, I went to Iowa, I got a scholarship from wrestling. I could kick your ass any day!"

"I'd like to see you try tough boy!"

Alex and Derek charged at each other, fists flying, legs kicking. Meredith and Izzie ran out of the bathroom to separate the fight.

Izzie exhaled deeply then said to Derek, "I wasn't serious!"


	8. The Beating of my Heart

Meredith is stitching Alex's head up.

"OUCH!"

"Sorry, Alex, but you got a huge cut." Meredith smiled. "Geez, Derek did a number on you!"

"Shut up, I wasn't ready for him to pounce on me."

Meredith laughed, "Right."

"I'm serious! OUCH!"

"Okay, that's the last of it."

Alex cringed. Derek really did beat him up.

"So, where have you and Izzie been hiding all night?"

"Bathroom."

"That's interesting because I saw her flirting with Derek at the vending machine."

Meredith stared at Alex. Derek and IZZIE?! Was the sky falling? There was NO way those two would be flirting together! That would be like Izzie and George! Meredith shuddered at the thought of it. There was no way.

"There is no way that could've happened."

"I'm just saying, you think your ex is all into you, he might be moving on."

Meredith slammed the scalpel on the table.

Alex sat still. "Are you still into Derek?"

"Of course I am!"

"Then why are you leading me on like this?!"

"ALEX STOP! STOP! I DON'T WANT TO ANSWER ANY OF YOUR QUESTIONS! PLEASE, I'M VERY CONFUSED RIGHT NOW!"

"Then let me make it easy, I told you I loved you, and I do. But YOU need to decide who you want to be with, because I'm telling you right now I am not waiting for you. Make a choice."

Alex slapped a band-aid on his head and slammed the door. Meredith watched him leave then started playing around with her fingers. That's what she did when she was nervous, and boy was she a wreck now!

* * *

Izzie placed an ice pack on Derek's shoulder.

"Any pain?"

"Not really, I really kicked his ass though."

Izzie smiled, "Oh yeah."

Derek paused. "Izzie, at the vending machine today, I don't want to give you the wrong impression."

"What do you mean?"

"I like you, I do. But I'm not attracted _towards_ you."

Derek was half lying. He wasn't _completely_ attracted to Izzie, but there was something there between them. He did not want it to grow though, because he did not want the extra drama.

Izzie shook her head at herself. "Okay, well I never said I was attracted towards YOU!"

"You're not?"

Izzie hesitated. "Of course not."

"Oh," Derek looked a bit disappointed, "I just thought…"

"Forget it okay, it's over."

"Fine."

Derek slid the ice pack off his shoulder and walked out of the room. Izzie kicked herself. She didn't want to be mean to Derek, but she knew she had to. All of a sudden Meredith stormed into the room.

"YOU AND DEREK?!"

Izzie was shocked. How did Meredith find out about their innocent flirting?

"What? I mean I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Please, Izzie don't play stupid, you know exactly what I'm talking about!"

"And why do you care?!"

"Because…because…"

Why did she care so much?

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Meredith!"

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?!"

"You've had your eyes on Alex all week, I know your secrets. You can't claim Derek and then go with Alex."

"I didn't do ANYTHING with Alex!"

"YOU WANTED TO! YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM! I COULD TELL DEREK, BUT I WON'T BECAUSE I'M A GOOD FRIEND."

"Well, friends don't go off flirting with their other friend's ex-boyfriend!"

"YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER ANYMORE!"

"BUT I STILL LOVE HIM!"

Alex pressed his ear against the cold door. He dug his knuckles into his stomach. She loved Derek. Of course she did! How could he be so stupid! He shook his head and walked away.

* * *

Derek sat in the waiting room, rubbing his shoulder. He saw Meredith rushing down the stairs.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Ugh!! What the hell were you doing flirting with Izzie Stevens?!"

"What?! I was just talking!"

"Sure!"

"Well then tell me this, why is Alex worried about you all of a sudden?"

"It's-It's nothing!"

"Right! He's falling for you!"

"Derek, just…"

"Are you falling for him?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!! OKAY, I DON'T KNOW!" Meredith broke down. Her hormones started to kick in, and there was no stopping them.

Derek softened up, and rocked Meredith back and forth. He hated seeing her cry, it broke his heart. "Shhh, don't worry, you'll figure everything out."

Meredith pressed her head against Derek's chest and listened to the steady rhythm of his heart. She did love him. And she always found herself in his arms whenever she was upset. He was there for her, even if she was deciding who to be with. She ran her fingers up his chest and kissed him, hard.

Alex walked slowly down the stairs; he stopped dead in his tracts. Meredith was with Derek. That was that. He didn't mean anything to her. He was nothing…


	9. We need to talk?

**A/N: Okay, just to let everyone know, Meredith has not chosen a guy yet! And I still have no clue who I'm putting her with! Hehe, again, I'm caught in the middle! But, I do have an idea of what lies ahead and things are gonna get personal… ;)**

* * *

Alex downed another cocktail at Joes. He didn't care if he got drunk, he didn't care if he passed out on the floor, all he cared about was Meredith and she obviously didn't care about him.

"Dude, that's your 5th drink, take it easy!"

"Pour me another, Joe!"

"Geez what happened?"

Alex played around with a peanut.

"Chicks..."

Joe smiled then handed Alex his drink.

"This one's on me buddy!"

Izzlie plopped down next to Alex, and put her hands under her chin.

"Give me a martini dry with an extra spit of vodka, and rocks on the side."

Alex looked at Izzie.

"WHAT?! Can't a girl drink what she wants around here?!"

"Whatever…"

Izzie saw that Alex was upset.

"Alex, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's nothing."

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Meredith?"

"I swear if that damn mcdreamy walks in here I'm going to shoot someone!"

Izzie was suddenly intrigued, "What happened with Derek and her?"

"I saw her kissing him. KISSING HIM!"

Alex swirled his index finger on the rim of his cup and sighed, "I just, I don't know what to do…"

Izzie put her hand on Alex's shoulder. "She's pregnant, she can't control her hormones. She probably didn't even know what she was doing. She probably felt lonely, and jumped on the first guy that comforted her."

Alex looked at Izzie with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "You think so?"

"There's no denying that you and Meredith have a spark, even Derek can see that!"

Alex ran his fingers through his hair and nodded. "You're right, I'm leaving."

"What? Where?"

"To comfort Meredith!"

Joe panicked. "ALEX! YOU CAN'T DRIVE!"

Alex wobbled from side to side. "Sure I can!"

Izzie took a sip of her martini, rolled her eyes, and walked out of Joe's with Alex.

"Don't worry Joe; I'll take care of him!"

Joe smiled then continued cleaning the counter.

* * *

Meredith sat on the dock of Elliot Bay, her feet hanging off the edge of the dock. This place brought back so many memories: the drowning, the little girl, the frigid water. All she remembered was how cold the water was. She shivered at the thought of it. She couldn't imagine what it was like for Derek. She didn't even know if she would be that brave! She closed her eyes and dipped her toes into the ice cold water. She imagined Derek holding her in his arms, carrying her up the dock. She sighed. Derek was always there for her, heck, he even went in frigid water to save her! She tried so hard not to think about Alex. But, she couldn't stop herself. She wondered what he was doing when he found out about her drowning. She wondered if he was scared, worried, or didn't even care. She jumped when she heard her phone ring. The caller ID read: Derek. Meredith hesitantly picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Meredith, it's Derek."

"Hi."

"Uhm, so about last night…"

Meredith bit her lower lip, what was she going to say? All of a sudden, she blurted out, "That kiss didn't mean anything." She shook her head after she realized what she had said. Why did that come out of her mouth?

Derek paused. He was disappointed and shocked. "W-What?"

"Uh, what I mean is, don't take it the wrong way cause I'm still figuring everything out."

"Oh, uh, yeah of course…"

"Derek, can you wait for a second I have another call coming in."

"Sure…"

"Hello?"

"Meredith, its Alex."

Meredith cocked an eye-brow. Why was Alex calling her?

"Uh, hi Alex."

"Listen, can we talk?"

"About what?"

"Believe me, we _need_ to talk."

"Uh, okay when?"

"Half hour, hospital lobby?"

"That's fine."

"Okay see you then!" Alex hung up the phone and stared at it. He had no idea what he was going to say to Meredith, but he knew what he felt. Should he say what's in his heart? What if she doesn't feel the same way?

Meredith flashed back to Derek.

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry that was…wrong number."

"It's fine but can we talk?"

"Huh? Like, now?"

"Whenever."

"Tonight?"

"Yea, we need to talk."

Meredith thought she was having déjà vu! She sat on the cold concrete and held her stomach.

"1 hour?"

"That's fine, see you then!"

Derek hung up the phone. Meredith sat with the phone pressed against her ear, not taking her eyes off the clear, blue water. What did these two men have to talk to her about?


	10. Nothing is okay

Meredith sat in the hospital lobby. She looked at her watch; Alex would be here any minute. She smoothed out her hair, took a deep breathe and cringed. She kept having these pains in her stomach! She had no idea what these pains were, but she figured it was not a big deal, just some stupid pregnancy thing. She sat up when she saw Alex walk in.

"Hey, Alex, you wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, uhm…" Alex placed his hands on his head and paced back and fourth. "I need to know what you want, because I can't keep doing this!"

"What do you mean?" But Meredith knew exactly what Alex was talking about; she just didn't want to discuss it.

"Us…me and you" The words flew off Alex's tongue. _Us…_

"Uh, well, I'm not really sure yet." Meredith started fidgeting with her fingers.

Alex stuffed his hands into his pockets and swayed back and fourth on his heels. The two looked like some nervous teenage couple who were just about to reveal their secret crushes on each other. Alex took a deep breathe.

"I love you."

Meredith had heard those 3 words before. But the second time was so much more personal. She kept repeating the words over and over in her head: _I love you, I love you, I love you…_

Meredith exhaled deeply, "I…"

Derek walked into the hospital. He looked at Alex, then at Meredith, then back to Alex.

"Oh, well, hi there," Derek was very suspicious of these two.

"Derek, what. Are. You. doing. here?" Alex thought he would finally get a chance to talk to Meredith, but no. Of course, Mcdreamy ALWAYS had to interrupt.

"Well, I had to talk to Meredith."

"Derek, I said in an _hour_."

"Oh, well I came early. Sorry, did I interrupt anything?"

Meredith and Alex were silent.

Alex was the first to speak. "As a matter of fact, you did!"

Meredith gave Alex a look. She knew there was going to be trouble. She cringed again.

"Oh, and what am I interrupting exactly?"

"I was talking to Meredith."

"Oh really? About what?"

"That's none of your business…"

"Fine, well are you two done talking, because Meredith and _I _need to talk."

"Actually, we were just getting started."

Derek eyed Alex. "How long will you two be?"

"Oh I don't know, it depends…"

Alex stood eye to eye with Derek.

"Are you looking for trouble, Karev?"

"Nope, are you Shepherd?"

Meredith cringed again. The pain was more intense, what was happening?! "GUYS!!"

"Actually, I wasn't, but you always seem to be looking for trouble."

"Look, can I just finish talking to Meredith?"

"GUYS!!!!" Meredith couldn't believe the amount of pain she was in. She held her stomach tight, and fainted.

* * *

Meredith awoke in Dr. Hillman's room.

"Hello?!"

Dr. Hillman stood over Meredith.

"Hello Dr. Grey, you fainted."

"Why?"

"I'm not sure yet. But, have you made your decision about twin 1? We _must_ operate tomorrow."

"Uhm, I haven't really thought about it."

"Oh, well you have exactly 10 seconds to think now."

"WHAT?!"

"Look, I don't know what caused you to faint; it could be some other complications. You already have a HUGE complication: Twin 1 has brain damage. You can correct this problem, but only through surgery, so Dr. Grey do you want the surgery?!"

Meredith bit down on her lower lip. She cleared her throat. "Who would be doing the surgery again?"

"Dr. Shepherd, he's the best."

Meredith closed her eyes. "Are there any other doctors available?"

"Dr. Grey, you want Dr. Shepherd! Plus, there aren't any other attendings that specialize in nuero."

"Uh…"

"Today, Dr. Grey!"

Meredith hesitated. "Fine, I'll have the surgery."

"I'll go tell Dr. Shepherd."

Dr. Hillman scurried off, Meredith plopped her head back onto the pillow and squeezed the side of the bed. She prayed that nothing would go wrong. She hoped that everything would turn out okay…but she knew that would never happen. In her life, _nothing_ was ever okay.


	11. Truce?

Dr. Hillman ran up to Derek.

"She's having the surgery."

"She is? I thought…never mind."

"Tomorrow morning? I'll page you."

"Uh, sure."

Dr. Hillman nodded then scurried off.

"You have to operate on her?" Alex was worried; he wanted nothing to happen to her.

"Yeah, on one of the twins…"

"TWINS?!"

"She didn't tell you?"

"NO! I-I didn't think she was PREGNANT!?"

"Well she is! One of the babies has fluid in the brain."

"Brain damage?"

"Yeah, I just,"Derek sighed and puts his hands on his head, "how I am going to operate on my kid?!"

A pain struck through Alex's body. Meredith has been carrying _Derek's _babies For some reason, that hurt him.

"Uhm," Alex didn't know what to say, "You'll be fine."

"I wish I thought that…"

Alex sat down. "I shouldn't have put so much pressure on her. If I knew she was having twins I would have never told her…" Alex's words trailed off. He couldn't tell Derek that he loved Meredith!

"Told her what?"

"Uh, nothing…"

"What is it Karev, spit it out!"

"It's nothing, okay?!"

Derek sighed. "Look, I'm sorry for the way I've been acting towards you. It's just, I love Meredith, more than you know, and I guess I felt…threatened."

Alex was a bit surprised. "_You _felt threatened by _me_?"

Derek nodded. "Yeah, she seemed to be falling for you."

Alex smiled. "You think so?"

Derek shuffled back and fourth on his feet, "I don't know, I just never thought of her loving anyone else but me."

"Well, you don't own her."

"I know, I just…I don't know…"

A little bit of guilt started to fill up in Alex. Derek wasn't all that bad.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I was threatened by you. More than you know."

Derek smiled. "I know."

Alex laughed then ran his fingers through his hair. "She's gonna be okay though, right?"

Derek stared at Alex. "You really care about her don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah I do."

"Do you…do you love her?"

Alex hesitated. He didn't know what to say. "Uhm…well, you really want to know?"

Derek nodded.

"Yes. I do love her."

Derek cocked his head to the left then to the right. He sighed. Alex loved her. He loved her and Alex loved her. The question was…who did Meredith love?


	12. Do what your heart tells you

Meredith sat in her bed, staring out the window. She closed her eyes and listened to the rain pound against the glass. She would be going into surgery in 15 minutes. She was nervous. Her thoughts were interrupted by Izzie tapping on the door.

"Hey Mer…"

Meredith turned away and ignored her. She was still hurt by Izzie flirting with Derek.

Izzie sighed then sat on the edge of Meredith's bed. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have done that, I know how much you love him, it's just, my life has been so complicated lately that half the time I have no clue what I'm doing. I guess I just felt lonely."

"And jumping Derek was your first thought?"

"No! No, it wasn't. He's just always there and says all the right things; I guess I got caught up in it all. I don't know…I have a sucky love life."

Meredith continued to stare out the window.

"But, I don't want to be a sucky friends…so I'll say it again, I'm sorry…"

Meredith sighed then turned towards Izzie. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

* * *

After Izzie wished Meredith good luck in surgery, she walked out the door. On her way out, she bumped into Alex.

"Oh, hey Alex."

"Hey, is Meredith in there?"

"Yep. She's going into surgery in 10 minutes."

Alex nodded then stared at the ceiling.

"Are you okay?"

"Do you think I should let her go?"

"Meredith?"

"Should I let her go with Derek? You know…walk away?"

"I'm in no position to tell you that…you should, you should do whatever your heart tells you Alex."

Alex looked at Izzie. "Did you get that off a hallmark card or something?"

Izzie laughed then touched Alex's shoulders. "Surprisingly, no…"

Alex smiled. Izzie grinned at him then left. He would've followed her advice…but he had no clue what his heart told him.

* * *

Derek sat outside the OR. In less than 10 minutes he would be operating not only on Meredith, but his kid. _His_ kid. He sighed then took another sip of his coffee. Dr. Hillman came in.

"You ready Doc?"

Derek ran his fingers through his thick hair. "I think so, I hope so…"

"Ah, you'll do find! You're the best I've seen, and I've seen a lot."

"Thanks."

"Okay, well I'll go prep her for surgery…see you in there!"

Derek sighed then mumbled to himself, "See you in there…"


	13. Complicated

**A/N: Okay, I'm going away for about 3 weeks starting Friday, so I probobly won't be able to update. :( ...But, leave LOTS and LOTS of reviews, and I promise when I come back I'll have a ton of updates for you! Thanks again for reading!!!!**

* * *

Derek scrubbed in, with Dr. Hillman right behind him. He looked down at Meredith, she was sedated, but she still looked beautiful. He sighed, "Okay people, it's a beautiful morning to save lives, lets have some fun…"

* * *

Alex sat on the ground outside the OR, Izzie came up to him.

"Alex, don't you want to watch in the gallery."

"Nah. I'm fine here."

"She's gonna be fine, Derek won't let her die…"

"I know."

"So why don't you want to watch?"

"I just don't want to see her get cut open and stuff, I'm fine here."

Izzie sat down next to him and grabbed his hand. "Our lives suck!"

Alex laughed. "What's so bad about your life?! You're gorgeous, you're a hot shot doctor, and you seem to have a steady love life…what can be so bad?"

Izzie looked down and sighed. "Uhm, well, I have a few…secrets."

"Izzie Stevens? Secrets? Never!"

Izzie smiled. "Well I do!"

"Okay, spill…"

"I, I can't."

"Come on! I won't tell anybody!"

Izzie looked at Alex. "Promise?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Okay, well then…here I go, uhm, you see, I think I'm in love with a…friend of mind."

"And who would this friend be?"

"Uh…George."

Alex sat still. A smiled tugged on the sides of his lips. He couldn't help but laugh. O'MALLY?! George and Izzie!! Talk about beauty and the geek!

"Alex, STOP!"

"I'm…sorry!" Alex continued to crack up, "That's just so, so…"

"Random."

"Oh yeah!"

"Well it happened, and he's married!"

"True."

"So, what do I do?"

"Talk to him, tell him how you feel."

"I did. I told him I loved him."

"What did he say back?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Dude…ouch."

"Shut it!"

Alex softened up then squeezed her hand. "Don't worry…I mean, it's not _that_ bad."

Izzie gave Alex a confused look. "Are you kidding?! It's horrible!"

"Yeah, you're right, it's pretty bad…"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING!"

"I'm sorry Iz; I just don't know what to say."

"Ugh! Complicated. That basically sums up my life."

"Me too!"

"I should've stuck with modeling…less drama."

* * *

Derek and Dr. Hillman continued to operate.

"Okay, Dr. Shepherd, I got the baby out, you can remove the spinal fluid."

Derek cut open the baby's tiny head and removed all of the spinal fluid.

"Got it, I'm done."

"Very good, Dr. Shepherd. I'll stitch her up, everything checks out normal."

"Great!"

Derek was on his way out of the OR when Meredith's heart monitor started to speed up.

"What happened?!"

"Damn, she's bleeding out, I need some help!"

All of a sudden, she flat-lined…code blue.


	14. She will survive this

Hello everyone! Whew, it was a long trip…but I'm back and I have lots of ideas for this fic! I just watched an AMAZING merder video and an AMAZING merex video on youtube…so right now, in this moment, I am completely 100 percent in love with both couples. Just keep reading though, and leave some more reviews…I can't function without reviews! ) Also, I want to make sure people are still reading, so if no one is reading I'll stop posting.

* * *

Derek stared at the screen. Flat-lined?! How could this happen?! He was freezing up.

_Dammit, Derek, don't freeze up!_

"Dr. Shepherd! I NEED SOME HELP!"

Derek stood in place, his feet glued to the floor. He didn't speak, he didn't move, he just stood there, staring at the dark screen, listening to the beeping noise of the monitor…

"DR. SHEPHERD!"

Derek breathed heavily. His hands started to shake, he couldn't feel his legs.

Dr. Hillman's face was bright red. Why wasn't Derek moving?! "DAMMIT! SOMEONE GET ME ANOTHER DOCTOR!"

All of a sudden, Derek blurted out, "Karev."

"WHAT?!"

"Get Alex Karev, he's outside."

Dr. Hillman order one of the scrub nurses to fetch Alex. She had to control this bleeding or else Meredith and her babies would die.

* * *

Alex stared at the wall. Something was not right. He knew something was wrong…but what?

"Dr. Karev?"

Alex stared at the nurse, still draped in her scrubs.

"Uh, yes?"

"You're needed in Dr. Grey's surgery."

Alex sat still. "What?"

"Quickly!"

Alex looked at Izzie who pushed him. "Alex, go! Meredith might be in trouble!"

Instantly, Alex stood up, rapidly scrubbed in, and entered the OR.

"DR. KAREV GET OVER HERE!"

Alex nodded at Dr. Hillman. What was wrong with Meredith? As he came closer to her, his heart beat faster and faster. Meredith was going to die if he didn't help. On his way, he glanced at Derek, who was still standing still, clasping his hands together as if trying to squeeze something. Alex shook his head at Derek then grabbed the scalpel from Dr. Hillman's hands.

"Tell me what to do."

Dr. Hillman grabbed another instrument and the two got to work.

"We need to restart her heart! The babies can only be in there for…"

"5 to 6 minutes."

Dr. Hillman was surprised. "Yes, so we need to get her heart started, hand me the paddles."

Alex quickly got out the paddles. He rubbed them together, put gel on them, and placed them on Meredith's cold chest. He hated this feeling. He wanted it to stop. And the only way this terrible feeling he had in his gut would stop, was if Meredith's heart would _start_.

"Charge to 60!"

No change.

"CHARGE TO 100!"

No change.

"CHARGE TO 150! DAMMIT!"

No change.

Alex threw the paddles down then started to do compressions.

He was out of breath but he had to save her. He had to! "1, 2, 3, 4, 5…."

Dr. Hillman stared at Alex. "Dr. Karev…"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5…"

"Alex…."

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5…she, 1, will, 2, live, 3…"

"It's been past a minute, the babies have…"

"THEY CAN SURVIVE ONE MORE MINUTE! COME ON MER, COME ON!"

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppppppppppppp, beep, beep, beep, beep_

Alex stared at the monitor, not really believing it was true. Meredith was alive. HE saved her. If only the tragedy that happened next was a dream…


	15. Everything is Fine?

**A/N: Okay, everything that is italizied is what the characters are thinking. Remember to review and expect more updates soon:)**

* * *

"Hand me that clamp."

Alex did what he was told and handed Dr. Hillman the instrument. Everything was going smoothly, but Alex was still pumped with adrenaline from saving Meredith. He glanced at Derek a few times, and each time he looked up, Derek was in the same position. Frozen into place. Alex actually felt sorry for him. He knew what it was like to freeze up, and it was not a good feeling. But irregardless, the only thing on Alex's mind was saving Meredith.

* * *

Izzie played with her fingers…waiting.

_Meredith didn't die! No, she's fine. What's taking Alex so long?_

Thoughts raced through her mind, but she pushed them aside. Nothing was wrong with Meredith; she was fine…wasn't she? Izzie ran her fingers through her stringy, blonde hair. She was too frightened to walk up to the gallery. All she could do was sit. Sit and wait.

"I'm sorry, are you Izzie Stevens?"

Izzie looked up and her jaw dropped.

"Hannah?"

* * *

"How is she?"

Dr. Hillman looked up at Derek. "Well…surprised your alive!"

"I'm sorry, I was…"

"Save it Shepherd…you screwed up!"

Derek looked down.

"Feel free to leave…you are no longer at use."

"But I want to be here…"

"Well I'm sorry, but you can't. We almost lost her because of you! Just go!"

Alex looked up at Derek who stared right back.

"Dr. Karev, give me more suction."

"Yes, Dr. Hillman."

"Dr. Shepherd- what are you still doing here?! GO!"

Derek shook his head, slowly turned around, and started for the door. Right as he was about to leave, he turned his head, nodded at Alex, and left.

Alex watched Derek go, and realized for the first time what Meredith meant to him.

"Dammit!"

Alex quickly turned towards Dr. Hillman, "What?!"

"There's bleeding near one of the twins!"

"Well, you can fix it right! You're an OBGYN, you're supposed to fix…"

"I'm not God, Karev! I can't fix everything! Make yourself useful and help me find the source of this bleeding!"

"What do you need?!"

"I need a scalpel!"

Alex quickly handed Dr. Hillman the scalpel. His hands were shaking so much he almost dropped it.

"Ugh…come on! Come on!"

"You can't save it?! Are both of them bleeding?!"

Dr. Hillman placed the scalpel down and rapidly turned towards Alex.

"LOOK, I REALLY NEED YOU TO PUT YOUR EMOTIONS ASIDE FOR A MINUTE AND HELP ME REMOVE TWIN 2!"

"REMOVE?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"IN ORDER TO SAVE TWIN 1 WE NEED TO REMOVE TWIN 2!"

"So twin 2 dies?!"

Dr. Hillman paused. It seemed like the longest pause in the world to Alex. Finally, she spoke. "Yes, but we have to move rapidly."

"But can't you…"

"ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR NOT!"

Alex started to feel dizzy. Everything around him seemed to be spinning, but he had to pull himself together.

_COME ON ALEX! SAVE AT LEAST 1 BABY TODAY!_

"Fine, let's do it."


	16. Anything you need

A/N: REVIEW:)

* * *

Alex walked out of the OR, disappointed but relieved. Meredith was alive. Her daughter was alive, and thanks to Derek, was perfectly healthy. But, he kept thinking about the little boy they had to remove...

Derek rushed up to Alex.

"How is she?! Are the babies okay?"

Alex looked down. How was he going to tell him this? "She's fine…um, twin 1 is fine…"

"The girl…right?"

"Yes, the girl."

Derek let out a sigh of relief. "And the boy? How is he doing?"

Alex took a deep breathe and paused. "Derek…there was bleeding near him…"

"But, you saved him right?"

"Um…in order to save your girl, we had to remove him."

Derek scrunched his eye brows together; a confused look overshadowed his face. "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"Your son is dead, Derek. I'm sorry."

Derek looked away, not really believing it was true. "No, no that's not right! When I was in the surgery nothing was wrong with him!"

"I know, but complications aroused and…"

"That can't be right! HE HAS TO BE ALIVE, RIGHT?! RIGHT?!"

Alex slowly shook his head, tears swelled up in his eyes. He wondered how Meredith would react.

Derek tried his best to fight back the tears, but he couldn't. They streamed down his face and off his chin. They hit his scrubs like bullets. He couldn't believe this! He slowly sat down, and placed his big hands on his face.

Alex looked up from Derek and saw Izzie running towards him. She stopped when she saw Derek.

"Oh, God….she didn't die right?!"

Alex grabbed Izzie's arm and walked her towards the center of the room. "No, Iz, she didn't. One of the twins did."

"Oh my God…" Izzie was shocked! She figured everything would be fine. "I can't believe that!"

"I know…"

"But, she still has another baby right?"

"Yeah, a little girl."

Izzie looked down. "But not her son…I wonder how she will react."

"Me too…"

"Having a baby changes everything."

Alex looked up at Izzie. "How do you know?"

Izzie turned towards Alex. "Can you keep a secret?"

* * *

Meredith slowly opened her eyes. Everything seemed blurry.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Grey can you hear me?"

Meredith slowly nodded. "Uh…y-yea."

"Try not to talk...um; first off, I want you to know that we removed all of the spinal fluid from twin 1, who is a girl."

A small smile tugged at the sides of Meredith's rosy lips.

Dr. Hillman took off her glasses and placed them on a table. She pulled up a chair and sat next to Meredith. For 5 minutes she didn't talk. Finally, she folded her hands and spoke. "Meredith…there was severe bleeding near twin 2. We, we had to remove him to save your girl."

"W-what does that mean?"

"I'm sorry, Meredith…"

Meredith looked up towards the ceiling. A tear streamed down her cheek. She quickly wiped it off.

"So, I have a little girl though, right?"

"Yes, and in 9 months you should be the mother of a perfectly healthy girl."

Meredith sighed. "Well that's good."

Dr. Hillman reached out and touched Meredith's hand.

"Do you need anything Meredith? Anything at all?"

"Um…can you please do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"Can you…can you please get me Derek."


	17. Running Away

A/N: REVIEW:)

* * *

Meredith stared out the window. How was she going to tell Derek this? Suddenly, she heard a hard knock on the door.

"Come in!"

Derek walked in and shot Meredith a quick smile.

"Uh…you wanted to see me?"

"Uhm…yeah, sit down."

"Okay." Derek grabbed a chair and set it next to Meredith.

Meredith took a deep breathe. "Where are we?"

Derek looked down. "I don't know…"

The 2 sat in silence for a minute; Derek was the first one to break the ice.

"So, Alex…"

"Yeah?"

"He told me that he loves you…do you love him?"

"Derek…"

"Just answer the question, yes or no…because I can't keep doing this."

"I don't…I don't know. Okay, I don't know."

"Well, what are you planning to do?"

"Excuse me?"

"With the baby. Are you gonna raise her by yourself, find someone else, what?"

"Derek, things are a little confusing right now…"

"I know," Derek ran his pudgy fingers through his hair, "But, I just want you to know…before you make any decision, I want you to know that I love you. I will always love you…no matter what."

Meredith gave a small smile to Derek as he left the room. A tear fell from her eye. She knew what she had to do. She knew it wasn't the right thing to do…but it was the only thing she knew how to do.

* * *

Alex was shocked. Izzie had a kid. A 12 year old girl was sitting in the cafeteria eating an apple, and it was hers.

"Izzie, why didn't you tell me this before?!"

"I was scared!"

"Well, what is she doing here?"

"She wanted to see me. She was here a couple months ago for a bone marrow transplant. I gave her some of mine. But, I never got a chance to see her."

"Wow. Izzie, this is…wow."

"I know…look the only other person who knows is George. You can't tell anyone! Please!"

"Okay, okay…I won't."

"Good."

Alex turned towards the girl again. "She has your eyes."

Izzie smiled. "That's what George said."

Alex looked at Izzie. "You really love him don't you?"

"Um…yeah, I, I guess I do."

Alex thought about Meredith. He had to talk to her. "Iz, I'm gonna see how Mer is doing."

"Go…"

Alex ran up to Meredith's room and quickly opened the door.

"Oh, Alex…hi."

Alex could tell she had been crying. "Mer, you're crying…are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm fine Alex."

Alex sat at the edge of her bed. "Is this about the baby?"

"No, it's not that."

"Then what is it?"

"It's nothing I just…I just need to be alone for a second, okay?"

Alex nodded. "Okay…"

After Alex left the room, Meredith quickly got out her phone and dialed some numbers. She slowly held the phone up to her ear and sighed.

"Hello, Boston General Hospital…how may I help you?"

"Hi this is Meredith Grey, I was wondering if you have an open spot available, I would like to get out there as soon as possible."

"In face we do. You're a Grey girl so I'm sure the chief won't mind, but I'll connect you to him if you'd like."

"No that's fine. Whether or not I get the job I'm staying out in Boston anyway so it doesn't really matter."

"Oh, okay…but you should come out here as soon as possible if you would like the job."

"Thanks."

"Okay, bye Dr. Grey."

Meredith snapped her phone shut and closed her eyes. She was running away….from Alex, Derek, Izzie, and all her problems. She knew this was wrong. But she had to do this. She had to do this without any of them ever knowing. And she had no clue if she would ever return to Seattle…

* * *

A/N: Hehe, I threw a little twist in there! I might be starting another story. Sort of the spin-off to this one. Where Meredith is in Boston but eventually returns, and everything is differnt. But, I'm not sure. Tell me what you think in your reviews! 


	18. 10 years later

**A/N: Okay, so here's the deal: Meredith leaves and flies out to Boston. But, she doesn't tell anyone where she is going or even that she left. She returns 10 years later with her daughter and everything and everyone has changed. Please tell me how you like it! I had a BLAST writing it so hopefully you will have fun reading:)**

* * *

_10 years later…_

"Sarah, sweetie, get your coat."

Sarah stomped her foot. "WHY?! SUZIE IS HAVING A REALLY FUN BIRTHDAY PARTY WHILE I HAVE TO GO TO STUPID SEATTLE!"

"Hunny, I know but don't you want to see it?"

"NO!"

Meredith bent down so she would be eye-level with her daughter. "Look, I know you want to go to this party…but please, for mommy, do this one thing for me."

Sarah sighed then grabbed her mom's shoulders. "Okay, but we are NOT moving out there."

"Since when are you the mom?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'm sorry."

"That's better; now get your coat…our flight leaves soon."

* * *

Meredith stared out her plane window. 10 years ago she ran away from the 2 men she loved. 10 years ago she abandoned her best friend. 10 years ago she hopped on a plane in the middle of the night not telling anyone where she was going. Now, she was back, with her little girl, Derek's little girl. She sighed and turned to Sarah who was fast asleep. Meredith smiled and brushed back her dark, curly hair.

* * *

"IZZIE! WHERE DID YOU PUT MY SOCK!?"

"In the washer."

"What?!"

"It was dirty."

"Ugh! Great! Now I don't have a pair of socks!"

"You only have one pair?!"

"Yeah…can I borrow a pair of yours?"

"Sure…"

Alex sat down and dug into the French toast Izzie made for them.

"Alex, uhm...that Lauren girl from the gym wanted your number, do you want to…"

"No. No dating."

"Alex, it's been 10 years!"

"She still could come back!"

"She left you, Alex! She left all of us. She's not coming back! You're hanging on to a memory that is far gone."

"I know that, Izzie! Okay, I know!"

"I'm just saying…you should get back out there, before it's too late!"

"Whatever. I'm leaving."

"What about the sock?"

"Screw it."

Alex slammed the door on his way out.

Izzie placed her hand on her head and sighed. She was worried about Alex. He wouldn't even talk to a girl after Meredith left. She had to help him get over loosing Meredith.

* * *

"Okay, how about this top?"

Derek looked his girlfriend up and down and shook his head. "It's an interview, not a strip club!"

"Ugh! Not helping!"

Derek looked at his watch. "Look, Karen, I'm late…I'll talk to you later."

Derek picked up his briefcase and hurried out the door. Karen looked on and sighed.

* * *

Meredith stood outside SGH, her little girl by the hand.

"Mommy…you're nervous."

"I know, baby, I am."

"Why?"

"I did something bad a while ago and I'm not so sure my friends with forgive me right away, so…"

"Just say you're sorry."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna work."

"Well you can try."

Meredith smiled. "True…okay, let's go."

* * *

Izzie was sitting at the cafeteria doing paper work, when Alex sat down next to her.

"Iz, when George decided to stay with Callie…how did you deal?"

Izzie looked up. "I don't know…but I wasn't waiting 10 YEARS for him!"

"Look, before you judge me, it's just…she's the first girl I've ever loved. You can't forget your first love!"

Izzie sighed then squeezed Alex's hand. "I know."

* * *

Meredith knocked on the Chief's door…except, it wasn't the chief she was expecting.

"COME IN!"

Meredith slowly opened the door. "Hey, Richard I…" her words trailed off because Richard Webber wasn't the chief anymore…it was now Derek Shepherd.


	19. What could they be hiding?

**A/N: Soooo glad you guys liked the chapter!!! I had fun writing it! Continue to review:)**

* * *

Derek looked at Meredith in awe. He could not believe she was here! After 10 years, 10 YEARS, she showed up.

"Meredith?"

Meredith stared at Derek. She knew she would've met him eventually but she didn't expect this! Sarah tugged at her mom's shirt.

"Mommy, can we please get pizza…I'm starving!"

Derek switched his gaze from Meredith to the little girl. He blinked at how much she looked like him! She had his curly, dark hair and his blue/green eyes. But, she had Meredith's tiny figure and nose.

Meredith quickly turned to her daughter. "Okay, we'll get some later." She then looked up at Derek. "This is Sarah…my daughter."

Sarah smiled. "Nice to meet you."

Derek shot a quick smile then looked back at Meredith.

Sarah searched her mother's face and could tell she was nervous. "Mom, don't be nervous…he doesn't seem that mean!"

Derek chuckled. "Well, your right, Sarah, I'm not mean."

"SEE MOM?!"

Meredith smiled at Sarah. "Thank you pumpkin…uhm how bout you wait outside for me? I'll be right out!"

Sarah raised an eye brow. "Why? Are you trying to get a job? Cause we are NOT moving here…"

"I know, but I need to talk to this nice man, okay?"

Sarah sighed. "Okay."

After Sarah left, Meredith turned to Derek. "Hi, Derek."

Derek sighed and placed his right palm on his forehead. "It sure has been awhile…"

* * *

Sarah sat on the cold, tile floor outside the chief's office. She was bored out of her mind AND starving.

"Alex, I really think you should consider this Lauren person."

"Izzie! I told…" Alex stopped.

"Alex, what?"

Alex said nothing. He just stared at the little girl sitting on the ground. Izzie followed his gaze and her jaw dropped.

"That couldn't be…"

Alex interrupted her. "She looks exactly like Derek."

Izzie looked at Alex then back at the girl. "Well I'll be dammed."

Sarah noticed the 2 strange doctors staring at her. She sat up, smoothed out her skirt, and walked up to them. She figured this was more fun then just sitting down, doing nothing!

"May I help you?"

Izzie and Alex couldn't speak. They just stared again. Not really believing this was true.

Izzie was the first to break the silence. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Um…hi, what's your name?"

Sarah stood up straight. "Sarah…and you are?"

"I'm Izzie, this is Alex."

"Okay, well hi Izzie and Alex."

The two smiled at her.

"So…can you tell me why you were staring at me?"

Alex looked towards Izzie. "Um…we were staring at you? Sorry about that!"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Let me guess then…do you know a Meredith Grey?"

They both nodded.

"So…were you 2 her friends or something when she used to work here?"

Alex stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Yes…"

"And you didn't know she had a daughter?"

"Well we knew…but it's still a surprise."

Sarah nodded. "Yeah, I guess…"

Izzie looked around. "Where is your mom?"

Sarah pointed behind her. "Talking with that guy in that room…the chief or something."

Izzie and Alex looked at each other.

A confused look appeared on Sarah's face. "What?"

Izzie shook her head. "Oh, nothing. It's uhm nothing!"

Sarah placed her hands on her hips. "Just because I'm 10, doesn't mean I'm stupid you know? Tell me what's up!"

Alex started to walk away. "It's nothing Sarah, say hi to your mom from me."

"Me too." Izzie joined Alex, and the two scurried off.

Sarah sighed. What could they be hiding…?


	20. What are you going to do?

**A/N: I like this chapter...review please!!!!**

* * *

Derek sat in his chair, still VERY surprised to see Meredith. She sat directly in front of him, looking at her lap, and playing around with her fingers…

"Look, Derek…"

"Wait, let's just put everything aside for a bit and just talk."

"Talk? About what?"

Derek paused then tilted his head back. "Sarah…"

Meredith closed her eyes. She knew this would happen eventually.

"Um… what's there to talk about? She's 10, healthy, and loves soccer and pizza. That's it."

"No that is not it…why did you just take off and leave, Mer? Were you afraid? Did something happen? What, please tell me why you just picked up everything you had, EVERYTHING you had, and left…please just tell me why!"

Meredith turned her head. She knew how silly this would sound, but it was the truth. "I couldn't choose."

Derek tilted his head to the left. "What?"

"You and Alex. I couldn't choose. I mean, I figured it would be easy…but no, it's not easy. So I ran away. From you. From Alex. From my problems. I ran away…"

Derek sighed, then rubbed his growing stubble with his left hand. "And so you figured you would just shut me out of Sarah's life?!"

"NO! I didn't want that! I wanted Sarah to have a father, believe me I did! I just couldn't get up the courage to come back here."

"But you did…you're here now. So are you going to tell Sarah I'm her father…what are you going to do, Meredith?!"

Meredith screamed back. "I DON'T KNOW!"

Derek shook his head then stormed out of his office, slaming the door on his way out. "Well figure it out!"

* * *

Alex stared at the ground as he played around with his fork at the cafeteria. Suddenly, Sarah slid in next to him. 

"Hi."

"Geez, Sarah, hi…you scared me."

Sarah smiled. "Have you seen my mom around?"

"Uhm, no…is she still talking to the chief?"

"I dunno. I sort of wandered off. I hope she's not worried."

"SARAH ELIZABETH GREY YOU HAVE GOT A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO!"

Sarah quickly turned her head to her mother then looked down. "Oh man…busted!"

Meredith ran up to Sarah. "WHERE THE HECK WERE…" She lost her words.

"Mom? Hello? Mom?" Sarah followed her mother's gaze to Alex. "Oh this is Alex, mom. He's really nice."

Alex blinked then held out his hand. "Hi…Alex Karev, nice to meet you."

Meredith sighed deeply then shook his hand. "Meredith Grey."

Sarah shook her head. "Wait, I thought you two knew each other."

Alex turned towards Sarah. "We did. But, your mom's not the same. She's a completely different person then I thought she was!" With that, Alex stormed off.

Meredith plopped down next to Sarah. "Great! I knew he would hate me!"

Sarah watched Alex leave then patted her mom on the back. "Don't worry, I still love you!"

Meredith looked up at her beautiful daughter and hugged her. "I love you too! And you are all I need!" But she was lying…she wanted someone else. She needed someone else. But, no one seemed to need her. And all because she ran away….


	21. Maybe he needs you

**A/N: Okay, this was probably my favorite chapter to write!!! Hope you like it!! Review please:)**

* * *

Alex sat in the lobby with his hand under his chin, contemplating everything he had just discovered in a half an hour. 

Izzie sat next to him. "Hey."

"Hey Iz…"

"You okay? About Meredith?"

"Um, yeah of course."

Izzie gave him a funny look. "Yeah right! I know you too well."

Alex looked up at Izzie and sighed. "I don't know. I'm just frustrated, you know? I mean she just left. It's like I didn't mean anything to her. It's like I was nothing. Then, she comes back with a 10 year old girl who looks exactly like her dad…I just, I don't know…"

"She betrayed you…"

"Yeah, in a way she did."

Izzie touched Alex's hand. "Alex, you don't have to hide the fact that you're upset. Let it out. Don't keep it all inside."

Alex smiled. "I swear, you dating a shrink has totally gotten to your head."

Izzie giggled. "Well I'm sorry but it's true!"

"Yeah, yeah I guess your right."

"I'm Izzie. I'm always right!"

"Except when you're wrong…"

"True."

Alex laughed then nudged her. "Thanks, Iz. I couldn't have gotten through everything without you."

"I know!"

* * *

Sarah sat in the cafeteria, her legs were brought up to her chest and she was humming the "Who Knew?" song from Pink. Derek noticed, smiled, then walked up to her.

"Hey."

Sarah took off her iPod earphones.

"Oh, hi, Dr…?"

"Shepherd."

"Oh right! I'm Sarah, Meredith's daughter."

"Yeah…it's funny though you don't really look like her."

"Yea, I know…my mom says I look like my dad but I've never met him."

"But your mom talks about him?"

"Rarely. I asked about him once, but my mom just made up some lame excuse that she had to work out. Mom NEVER works out."

"Would you like to meet your dad?"

Sarah nodded. "Yeah…but my mom and I are doing fine by ourselves so it's not like I _need_ him or anything."

A pain struck through Derek's body, but what was he expecting: Sarah to miss him terribly and not only want him…but need him.

"Oh, I see."

"Dr. Shepherd, is it?"

"Yes."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, anything…"

"Do you have a dad?"

Derek stiffened. "I did."

"What happened?"

"He died when I was 12. He always told me that I would become a doctor one day because whenever a kid was sick in my neighborhood I always jumped to take care of them."

"How'd he die?"

"He was buying me a present for my 13th birthday, when some guy held the store hostage. My dad tried to get away but they shot him…I used to blame myself for what happened because I kept asking him if he got me a gift…"

"Oh gosh…I'm so sorry. That's horrible."

"Yeah, but I was glad I had a dad. Some of my friends never knew theirs."

Sarah looked down. "I don't know…maybe I'm mad at my dad."

"Why?"

"He didn't even come look for us…my mom and I."

"Well maybe he thought your mom didn't want him to."

"PLEASE! My mom checked the voice mailbox every half hour in case someone called! She was waiting for someone…I think my dad."

Derek sighed deeply then placed his hand on his head. "Wow."

"Yeah, I know…but maybe it's better if I never meet him. I might be awkward. And plus, my mom only needs me!"

Derek looked at Sarah then gave her a small smile. "But, maybe your dad wants to meet you." With that, he left…leaving Sarah wondering if what he said was true…


	22. One big mistake

**A/N: REVIEW PLEASE!!!**

* * *

Sarah walked up to Alex who was sitting in the waiting room.

"Hey Alex."

"Hey Sarah…what's up?"

"Nothing, have you seen my mom?"

"Nope."

"Oh…so Dr. Shepherd talked to me today."

Alex looked up. "He did? What did he say?"

"He said maybe my dad wants to meet me…do you think that's true."

"Uh…well every father wants to meet their kid."

"Yeah I guess that's true…will you help me find him."

Alex sat still. "W-What?"

"You know…search him on google, get his address, hunt him down sort of thing?"

"Sarah…your mom might not like that."

"So? She doesn't have to know! Plus, I know my mom misses my dad."

A pain struck through Alex's body. Did Meredith really miss Derek, and not him? "How…how do you know that?"

"Cause she checked the voice mailbox every half hour to see if someone called…she was definitely expecting my dad, I know it!"

Alex bent down next to Sarah. "I don't think this is a good idea…"

"Why not? You said so yourself…every father wants to know their kid. And every kid wants to know their father!"

"But Sarah…"

"No buts! Now are you going to help me or not?!"

Alex stared at Sarah. He knew this wasn't a good idea. He knew he would end up hurting her and Meredith if he went along with it. And yet…as much as he hated the fact that Derek was the father, he still felt bad for Sarah. He never got to know his dad…so in a way, Sarah was his do-over. He wanted Sarah to know her father.

"Fine. I'll help you."

Sarah gave her biggest smile, showing off her perfectly straight teeth. "Thank you Alex! You're the best!" She then leaned in and gave Alex a huge hug.

Alex sat still, staring straight ahead as Sarah hugged him. How in the world was he going to do this?! He knew this was going to be one huge mistake…

* * *

Meredith pressed the number 4 button on the elevator. She closed her eyes, thinking about all the memories she had on this elevator. This simple, yet amazing machine took you down memory lane with a click of a button. She startled herself when Derek walked in.

Meredith leaned against the wall of the elevator. "Hi…"

Derek turned around. "Hi…uhm, I…talked to Sarah."

Meredith quickly looked up. "YOU WHAT?!"

"I didn't tell her I was her father…we just talked."

"About what exactly?!"

"I don't know…stuff! Like about her life in Boston…"

"Derek, I don't mind if you talk to her but don't talk to her about, well…you!"

"Well you are going to tell her right?"

"Tell her what?"

"THAT I'M HER FATHER!"

Meredith shook her head. "Look, I'm just trying to figure stuff out right now…"

Derek was about to speak when the elevator opened and a pretty blonde woman walked in.

Derek quickly turned around. "Karen…what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you." Karen smiled then gave Derek a quick kiss on the cheek

Meredith backed up; a little surprise to see Derek had a girlfriend. "Uhm…this is my floor."

Derek pulled Karen away from him. "Meredith…"

"We'll talk later Derek. Bye." She quickly disappeared.

Karen looked at Derek. "Who was she?"

He looked down. "Just an old friend…"


	23. Telling and hiding the truth

**A/N: Here's a chapter I really hope you guys love! Tell me what you think in your reviews!!! And you know...my birthday is coming up so reviews would be a WONDERFUL birthday gift:)**

* * *

Sarah stared intently at the computer screen, typing as fast as her tiny fingers allowed. 

"Okay, Alex…so I typed in Meredith Grey and the only thing that popped up was Seattle Grace and Boston General…damn!"

"Watch your mouth!"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Do you know ANYTHING about my father? First name? Last name? Middle name?"

Alex hesitated. He knew what he was about to say was going to cause lots of trouble, but he had to say it. He couldn't lie to Sarah. "Yeah, I do…"

Sarah's eyes lit up. "GREAT! What is it?"

Alex bent down next to Sarah. He fidgeted with a pencil as he thought of what to say. "Actually Sarah…I know your father."

Sarah stared at Alex, unable to believe him. Out of disbelief, a small smile ceased the sides of her lips. "W-what?! No…that's wrong. You can't know him!"

Alex sighed. "Unfortunately…I do."

Sarah abruptly stood up, causing Alex to jump back. "YOU LIED TO ME?!"

"No, Sarah…it wasn't like that!"

"Then what was it like?! Cause I swear I remember asking you if you knew my FATHER!"

"Sarah…"

"NO! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK MY NAME YOU JACKASS! LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Sarah stormed out of the room, knocking over some old medical books on her way out. Alex watched her leave then placed his hands over his tired eyes and leaned against the table.

Suddenly, Sarah stormed into the room again.

"I forgot to ask his name…"

Alex looked up. "What?"

"My dad…what's his name?"

Alex sat up straight. "Derek…Derek Shepherd."

Sarah's jaw dropped, her legs went weak, and her hands began to tremble. _Derek Shepherd_. The chief of surgery was her father! The room began to spin, her mouth went dry, and all other thoughts escaped from her mind. She felt like she was going to faint.

"Sarah…you okay?"

"I…I…" She couldn't talk. She began to wobble from side to side, not caring about the stacks of paper that slipped off the desk from her clumsy hand.

"Lie down Sarah, its okay."

"I just…you…" Finally, Sarah collapsed in Alex's arms. He gently picked her up and placed her on the dark green couch behind him. He brushed some hair out of her face as he slid down the wall, and hit the floor. What the hell did he just do?! What was he thinking?!

* * *

Derek played around with the straw in his coffee as Karen went on about her interview at work. 

"So after he asked me about my past working experience, he shook my hand and SMILED! Derek, he smiled! That's a good sign!"

Derek stared ahead, paying no attention to his girlfriend.

"Derek?! Are you even listening!?"

Derek quickly shook his head and faced Karen. "What?"

Karen folded her arms across her chest and leaned against her chair. "Who was that girl in the elevator?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "I told you, she's an old friend."

"Mhhmm…"

"Why do you care?"

"Cause, you have paid no attention to me ever since she stepped off that elevator!"

"Sorry…"

"You know, when we meet mommy and daddy on Thursday, you better not act like this!"

"What?"

Karen clenched her hands. Obviously, very irritated that Derek had no clue what she was talking about. "We are having dinner with my parents Thursday…I told you about that!"

"Oh right…I just…"

"Forgot? See…that's not going to happen anymore, okay?!"

"Fine…"

"Geez what's your problem!?"

Derek opened his mouth, trying to say something…but no words came out. "I uh, I have to go."

"Derek!"

"Bye, Karen!"

Karen scrunched her eye brows together as Derek left. She then let out a very annoyed sigh. What could he be up to?

* * *

Meredith stared down at her pager…it read: Sarah-come quick/computer area! Meredith shook her head, confused at what it meant. Her confusion increased as she discovered it was from Alex. What was Alex doing with Sarah? Worried, she ran to the computer lounge where Sarah stared intently ahead of her. 

"Sarah? Baby, what's wrong?"

Meredith jumped when she felt a firm hand grab her arm and lead her into an on-call room.

"What the-Alex?"

"Meredith…I said something."

She raised an eye brow. "What did you say?"

Alex scratched his head nervously then started pacing the room. "I say we're even."

"Huh?"

"How bout I forgive you for abandoning me for 10 years and you forgive me for this?"

"Alex…what did you do?"

Alex paused. He stared at Meredith's beautiful green eyes, knowing that after he said what he was going to say they would turn grey…from disappointment. Alex did not want to disappoint Meredith! In fact, the one thing he wanted to do right then was kiss her, hard. But, he didn't…instead, he told her the truth, knowing that it could cost him her trust.

"I told Sarah Derek was her father…"


	24. I'm sorry

**A/N: Okay this is a sort of a turning point in the story…remember to review!!! Btw-my birthday is August 1****st :)**

* * *

Meredith stared at Alex. Did she really just hear that?! Did he tell HER daughter who her father was! She tried to speak but no words came out. She then started pacing the room…how was she going to explain this to Sarah?!

"Meredith I'm sorry…I shouldn't have medaled."

"NO! You shouldn't have!"

"I'm sorry…I just couldn't lie to her!"

"YOU COULDN'T KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT FOR 5 SECONDS! ALEX WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL HER?!"

Alex looked down. "Just…just tell her the truth Mer."

Tears started to well up in her eyes. The truth…she couldn't tell her the truth! The truth was too painful!

"Meredith, I am sorry. I didn't mean to cause you the stress but…"

Meredith took a deep breathe. She had to calm herself down. She then slid down the crème colored wall and landed on the floor with a big thump. Her feet swirled in circular motions…another bad habit she did when she got nervous. Alex bent down next to her.

"Alex, I can't tell her the truth! Then she'd know how bad of a mother I am!" By then, Meredith couldn't stop herself from crying. The tears streamed down her face and off her chin. She couldn't believe she was crying in front of him! But then he did something totally unexpected…he wiped off her tears with his thumb, turned her face towards his with his index finger and kissed her. He kissed her hard, with passion…and to her surprise, she kissed back. She ran her long fingers up and down the side of his face and for the first time, she felt safe. It was over as soon as it happened, but Meredith could still feel the heat that rushed over her body when he pressed his lips against hers. She kept her eyes closed, even after Alex slowly took his lips off hers. Finally, she opened her eyes and smiled. It was a small smile, but Alex thought it was the prettiest smile she had ever shone. He grinned back. Suddenly their moment was interrupted by Izzie walking into the room.

"Oh, hey guys…did you make up?"

Alex and Meredith looked at each other not sure how to respond. Izzie stared at them for awhile, suspecting that something was going on between the 2 of them. Finally, she realized what had just happened. A small smile cracked at the sides of her lips. She knew they both had feelings for each other, and she felt bad for Alex because he was always so lonely. He deserved to be happy.

"Oh my God guys!" Izzie was shining her biggest smile.

Meredith quickly got up. "I'll uhm see you guys later." She then hurried out the door and shut it hard on her way out. Did she just kiss Alex Karev! Did that really happen?! Thoughts and emotions swarmed her brain, making it almost impossible to think straight.

"MOM! YOU HAVE GOT A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO!"

Her thoughts, however, were quickly interrupted by her 10 year old daughter.

"Y-yes Sarah?" Her voice cracked as she spoke. Her legs were still shaking, and her hands were stuffed in her pockets.

"DEREK SHEPHERD IS MY FATHER!"

Meredith exhaled deeply then bent down next to her. She then paused, regaining her composure. "Yes he is, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner it was just complicated…"

"No no no no no….what's complicated is that you hid the fact that my father works here!"

"Sarah…"

"I talked to him, mom! We talked! He was nice! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Hunny, I…"

Sarah cut her off. "Wait…does he know he's my dad?"

Meredith slowly nodded her head. She stared into her daughter's blue-green eyes and sighed. "I am sorry. I wish I had a better word to say to you but I am sorry."

Sarah stared at her mother. Guilt started to fill up in her. She knew her mother wouldn't hide anything from her unless it HAD to be hidden. "I'm sorry too…"

Meredith let out a sigh of relief. "Good…that's good, sweetie. Now is there anything you wanna talk about?"

"Well can I talk to _him_?"


	25. Confessions and rejections

**A/N: So glad you liked the little Alex/Mer action there! I mean I had to do it! Alex waited for her for 10 YEARS! He deserved a little something something…plus Meredith felt lonely and needed someone. And that someone happened to be Alex. I really enjoyed writing it and I was even smiling when he kissed her. I mean weren't you cheering, "GO ALEX!" haha…well Meredith is going to have to make a decision. But not only for herself, for Sarah too. So keep reading!!!! REVIEW:)**

* * *

Meredith placed her hands on her daughter's shoulders as they waiting outside Derek's office.

"Mommy…I'm nervous."

"Aw, baby, don't be…he's not a mean guy. And you should talk to him."

"I did talk to him…when he was Derek Shepherd, the chief of surgery. But I've never talked to him as my _dad_."

"I know…but just tell him I told you."

"But you didn't…Alex did."

"I know, but just tell him I did."

Sarah was confused but nodded at her mother anyway. "Okay…"

_Beep. Beep. Beep_. Meredith looked down at her pager and sighed. "Uhm…I have to go. Just knock on the door. Okay, love you, bye!"

Sarah watched her mother leave then mumbled, "Bye…"

She exhaled deeply as she reached for the brass door knob. Her heart felt like it was going to rip out of her chest. Her hand shook as she grasped the knob and slowly turned in. She watched as her knuckles got white from squeezing the object. Finally, she was in the room.

Derek looked up from the stack of papers spread throughout his desk.

"Oh hey Sarah…what's up?"

"Uh, well, uh the sky I guess. But the universe and the planets are also up. But they are way up. Too far up if you ask me. I think that's why I want to be an astronaut though, because they are really far…up." She kicked herself for rambling, but she didn't know what to say! What if he didn't want her! What if he thought she was a bad kid! There were a million what ifs running through her mind, and she couldn't stop them.

Derek smiled. "Well yeah, the sky is up. But what's up with you? Do you need something? Are you in trouble?"

Sarah's stomach did a flip. "No, not really…"

"Oh, then what is it?"

"My last name…it's not Grey."

Derek tilted his head to the side, searching Sarah's face. "What do you mean?"

"I always thought my last name was Grey because I never knew my dad…but now I know its not Grey."

Derek froze in place. She knew he was her father! He cleared his throat, trying hard not to let his voice crack. "Well what is it then?"

Sarah played around with her fingers, a habit she inherited from her mother, as she swayed back and fourth on her heels.

"Shepherd…"

* * *

Meredith swung open the door to the stairwell and ran down the steps. She still had the image of Alex kissing her stuck in her head, and she had no clue how to get it out. She gasped when she accidentally ran into Alex.

"Oh, Alex…sorry."

Alex smiled down at her. "No problem."

Meredith turned her head, trying hard to avoid eye contact with him. But, he moved his head so close to hers that she could feel his hot, minty breathe against her porcelain skin. She turned her head around and stared into his hazel eyes. She then grabbed his face and kissed him. He ran his fingers up her hair and pushed her against the wall of the stairwell. Suddenly, Karen opened the door and stared at them. Meredith quickly pushed Alex off her.

Karen smiled. "You're Derek's "old friend" right?"

Meredith gingerly nodded. "Yeah, Meredith…"

"Well I'm his girlfriend, Karen." She made sure to annunciate the word girlfriend.

Meredith looked down. "I know…"

"And you are?" Karen turned her head towards Alex. "Her boyfriend?"

Alex looked over at Meredith who was staring at her feet. "Uhm…I don't really know." He stuttered over his words.

Karen raised an eye brow "Well you two were practically making out in the stairwell, so you must have some connection."

Alex quickly nodded.

"Well I'll let you two be…oh and Meredith, I'll tell Derek you said hi! Toodles!" She waved her hand then shut the door.

Alex sighed. "That was awkward."

Meredith turned her face away.

"Mer?"

"We can't do this Alex…we can't be a couple or, or anything like that!"

"Why not?!"

"Cause I have a daughter who is talking to her father right now! I can't be acting like this!"

"But, I…"

"I'm sorry, Alex." Tears fell from her face as she ran down the stairs, leaving Alex alone.


	26. You can't control life

Meredith sat on the bench outside the hospital. She couldn't believe she just left Alex like that! She wiped away a few tears from her eyes and sighed. She didn't want to leave Alex, but she felt that she had to…for Sarah. As she thought about everything, she cried even harder. Then, she stopped. _Why am I crying like this?! _Suddenly she realized why…she was in love with Alex.

* * *

Sarah swung her feet as she sat in the large leather chair in front of her dad. Derek had his hand under his chin and stared intently at her. 

"Who told you Sarah?"

"Al-I mean, my mom…"

"You're mom?"

"Yep."

He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "That's weird…I didn't think your mom wanted to tell you."

"Well…she did." The 2 sat in silence for a minute, then Sarah asked a question. A question she had to ask.

"Do you love my mom?"

Derek looked up. "Huh?"

"Do you love her?"

A small smile tugged the sides of Derek lips. "I love her hair, and her eyes. And that she's bossy…she could take anybody out if she tried!"

Sarah giggled.

"So yeah…I do love her."

Sarah smiled. "Well I think she loves you…so maybe you can get back together! Then you could get married and we could all move back to Boston and…"

"Sarah…"

"What? It's a great plan!"

"But…everything is different. We can't just leave everything behind and start over."

Tears filled Sarah's beautiful eyes. "But…but your back with each other! I could actually say to my friends: I have a dad!"

"I know, but…"

She started yelling now. "I don't get it! You said you loved her! When you love someone you're supposed to be together!"

"But it doesn't always work out that way…"

"YES IT DOES! YOU NEED TO GET BACK TOGETHER! I NEED TO HAVE A DAD!"

"But, you do…I'm your dad."

She couldn't stop the tears that streamed down her face. "But, but I want you…"

"Married to your mom?"

"Yeah! Why can't you?!"

Derek sighed. He felt extremely bad for Sarah, but didn't know what to say to her. "Sarah, life…you can't control it."

Sarah wiped away the glistening tears from her face, and looked out the window.

"You don't want me do you…"

"What? No Sarah, I…"

"YOU DON'T WANT ME OR MY MOM CAUSE IF YOU DID YOU WOULD TRY HARDER TO WIN HER BACK!"

"Sarah!"

"SAVE IT DOCTOR SHEPHERD!" With that, she stormed out of the room, slamming the door on her way out.

Derek placed his hands on his face and rubbed his eyes. Suddenly, Karen walked in.

"Who's that little girl crying in the hall?"

Derek looked up and shrugged.

"Oh well, you know your "old friend"?"

Derek slowly nodded.

"Well I think he's with that Karev kid…"

Derek immediately said, "What? I mean, why do you think that?"

She examined her nails. "Cause I saw them making out in the stairwells…"

Derek stared at her then back down at his stacks of papers_. Meredith and Alex kissing?! Are they together! _Derek felt the room getting smaller. He then mumbled, "Oh…"

"Yeah…they seem like a cute couple!"

Derek stared straight ahead and slowly nodded his head.

"Alright, well tomorrow we are having that dinner with my parents so I wanted you to come shopping with me…so we can pick out a good outfit for you!"

Derek didn't respond, he just kept his eyes fixed on the dark green couch ahead of him.

"Derek?! Hello? Are you okay?!"

"Uh, yeah sure…shopping, sure."

Karen tilted her small head to the left and sighed. "Fine…"

* * *

A/N: Okay, so basically...Sarah wants Derek. Meredith wants Alex. So, like I said before, Meredith is going to have to make a decision for herself AND for Sarah. Hmmm, tough choice... 

P.S: It also might change...maybe Sarah will start liking Alex more and Meredith might go back to loving Derek...but for right now it's: Merex and Sader (ha i made that up!) ;)


	27. Anger and guilt

Sarah ran outside and kicked a pebble as hard as she could. She was angry. She even thought this was the angriest she'd ever been! She let out a sigh of frustration.

She screamed, "I HATE YOU DAD! I HATE YOU!" She screamed and hollered as long as her small lungs could take it. Then, she stopped. Tears streamed down her face. She closed her eyes tight, held her stomach, and fell to the ground crying. Why was this happening to her?

* * *

Meredith scanned the area. No sign of Alex. She let out a sigh of relief. She didn't want to see or talk to him. But of course that was too good to be true…

"Meredith?"

She quickly turned around and jumped when she saw Alex. "Hi?"

He looked down. "What was your little outburst about?"

Meredith scratched her head. "Huh?" But she knew exactly what he was talking about.

"Come on Mer don't play dumb! Why don't you think we could be a couple!?"

She stared at him. This was all too much to take. She loved him, everything about him…his scent, his hair, his eyes, _everything_…

"Alex, I just…I can't do this to Sarah!"

He shook his head. "So this is all about Sarah huh? Well, I don't think that's true. I think you are too afraid of committing to a relationship that you look for excuses. You're too afraid to be happy because you think if you let your guard down just ONCE you'll get stabbed in the back! I used to be like that, Mer…but I'm changing. I'm changing for _you_…"

Their moment was interrupted by Derek clearing his throat. The two jumped when they heard him.

He nodded at Alex. "Karev…"

Alex did the same. "Chief…"

Meredith turned her face away. She couldn't look at Derek. She wondered if he knew about her and Alex. She also wondered what he said to Sarah.

"Meredith…can we talk?"

She slowly turned her head around. "Sure…"

Derek grabbed her arm and led her to his office. After they were inside the giant room, he started pacing.

"You left. 10 years ago you jumped on a plane and I never saw you again. You left, Mer. I, I thought you were gone for good. I did…so I thought to myself after the 5th year, what the hell am I doing?! So I met Karen at Joes about a year ago. And now you choose to show up. NOW you decide to come back with our DAUGHTER! NOW you decide to do all that and I…" His voice trailed off.

Meredith couldn't believe the sadness and pain in his voice. She broke him when she left. She didn't realize it at first, but now she understood it all. Guilt started to overwhelm her.

"Derek…"

He cut her off. "I can't stop thinking about you. I'm talking with Karen then all of a sudden your face shows up in my head. I'm in the middle of a surgery and all I can hear is your voice. You're everywhere with me…"

Meredith shuffled her feet on the dark blue carpet. "What do you want me to say, Derek?"

He rubbed his chin. "I _want _you to say you love **me**. I _want_ you to say you want **me**…but that's not the way it works…"

She slowly shook her head.

"So…I want you to tell me the truth. Tell me everything."

"Derek, I…"

"Tell me about Sarah. Tell me about Boston. Tell me about…" He paused then swallowed hard. "…Alex"

* * *

**A/N: Hehe, things are starting to get pretty intense. But this is just the beginning…keep reading and reviewing ;)**


	28. A sticky situation

Alex bit into his apple as he waited in the locker room. He checked his watch. Meredith had been gone for 10 minutes. He sighed then decided to look for Sarah. He threw his apple in the trash, hurried into the elevator, and found her crying on the pavement.

"Sarah?"

She shook her head. She still felt betrayed by Alex. After all, he did lie to her about knowing her father! "Go away!"

He crouched down beside her. "Look, I know you're pissed at me. Trust me, I would be too. But…can you maybe forgive me?"

She turned her body around. "No."

He studied her for a minute. "You're not mad at me."

"Yes I am!"

"No you're not. You're mad at your dad."

She breathed in deeply but stayed quiet, her eyes fixed on a zooming car on the highway.

"Sarah-I'm not a big fan of your dad, myself. But he's a good guy. He loves you. He…he loves your mom. He never meant to hurt you."

"How do you know?"

"You're dad and I…we're different in so many ways…but we're the same when it comes to you and your mom. We're the same…"

She turned her face towards his, her eyes glistening with tears. "You really think he loves me?"

Alex smiled. "You bet!"

Sarah ran her hands through her dark, curly hair. "Should I…talk to him?"

"Yeah, I think you should."

* * *

Meredith stared at Derek. Tell him about ALEX?! How could she do that!

She turned her face towards the window. "You don't want to hear about that…"

He sat down in his large chair and folded his hands together. "See that's where you're wrong…I want you to tell me things. I do…"

She remained silent.

"Fine. How bout I ask a question and you answer?"

She hesitantly nodded her head.

"Okay…do you love Alex?"

Sarah was about to knock on Derek's door when she heard him talking with someone. She pressed her ear against the door. She smiled when she heard her mom's voice.

"Uhm…well, I…"

"Meredith, just say it…yes or no. Do you love Alex?"

Sarah jumped back when she heard that. Her mom loving ALEX?! That wasn't possible. She quickly pressed her ear closer to see what her response would be.

Meredith shuffled back and fourth on her feet. "Fine…yes. I love him."

Sarah felt like she was going to cry. Her mom WASN'T supposed to love Alex! She was supposed to love her DAD! She started banging on the door screaming, "NO! YOU DON'T! YOU LOVE MY DAD! YOU DON"T! YOU DON'T!"

Both Meredith and Derek jumped when they heard the banging. Meredith immediately knew it was Sarah. She quickly opened the door.

"Sarah, sweetie…" Meredith reached to hug her, but she jumped back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Derek appeared in the doorway. "Sarah-listen to your mother…"

"LISTEN TO HER?!" she snapped, "WHY ARE _YOU_ LISTENING TO HER?! SHE LOVES ANOTHER GUY…ISN'T THAT RIGHT MOM?!"

Meredith looked down. "I'm sorry and I…"

Sarah cut her off. "Yeah you've been saying a lot of that lately."

"Listen! I just found out I was in love with this guy and…"

"You mean Alex?! The guy that lied to me!"

The room got silent. Finally, Sarah spoke. "I'm out of here…"

"SARAH!"

"Save it mom-have fun with Alex!" With that, she stormed off.

Meredith placed her hand on her head and slumped down to the floor. "This wasn't how I planned anything!"

Derek sat down next to her. "Me either…"

She turned to face him. "I'm sorry. I should've included you in Sarah's life. That was my fault."

"No…it wasn't anyone's fault. Some things you can't control…"

She paused. "You know when she was about 7 she said to me, "Mom-how come all my friends have dads and I don't?" And I, I didn't know what to say to her…."

"We're in a sticky situation."

Meredith nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah…"

* * *

Sarah ran up to the nurse's station.

"Hey-can I have a piece of paper and pencil please?"

Debby put down her phone. "Sure-here you are…"

"Thanks."

As Sarah pressed the cool pencil point to the paper, her hand shook.

_Dear Mom,_

_I don't want to be here anymore. I'll be fine. I already have money. But, I can't stay here with him and you…especially if you don't love each other anymore. I hope you can understand._

_Love,_

_Sarah._

As she walked towards the locker room to place the note inside her mother's locker, her heart skipped a beat. She couldn't believe it…but she was running away.


	29. Discoveries

Meredith stared at the crumpled letter. This couldn't be! She started hyperventilating. Izzie walked in.

"Mer, what's wrong?"

She couldn't talk. All she could do was breathe in and out. She threw the letter at Izzie.

Izzie picked it up and read it. "Oh, Mer…"

"What…am…I…doing…to…do?!"

Izzie ran to her friend's side and rubbed her shoulder. "Shhh, keep breathing. I'm sure she's fine."

Meredith buried her face in her shoulder and cried. "This is my fault!"

"What? Mer, it's not."

"No it is! If I just would've…"

"There is nothing you could've done!"

"What if we can't find her?! Then, then…"

"We will find her, okay?! We will."

Meredith slowly nodded then let Izzie hold her.

* * *

Sarah held her thumb out for a cab. Instead, an older man drove up to her in his pick up truck.

"You going somewhere, darling?"

"Uhh…no." If there was one thing Meredith taught her daughter, it was safety. She knew she couldn't hop into a car with a total stranger!

"You sure? I could drop you off wherever you like."

"Well, where are you going?"

"I live past the space needle. You wanna go there?"

"Uh, sure…I guess."

"Kay, hop on."

Sarah hesitantly got into the car. The man's breathe reeked of beer and he had a huge case of kettle 1 in the trunk of his car.

"So where ya off to?"

"Uh, site seeing…" She noticed an empty beer can in the cup holder, "Are you allowed to be drinking that while driving?"

"Sure. I aint drunk. I don't get myself drunk easily."

"Oh, alright then…"

"So where ya parents?"

"They uhm, are in New Jersey. I'm visiting my aunt out here."

"Ah. Beautiful town. Rains all the time. But who gives?"

Sarah nodded then shifted in her seat uncomfortably. She noticed a piece of paper on the ground. "What's that?"

The man quickly looked down and snatched the paper. "It's nothing…"

Sarah looked out her window. She wanted to get out of this car.

The man noticed. "Fine. It's something from a rehab center."

"Rehab?"

"Yep. You might as well know. I abused my wife and kid. I was a drunk all the time. Then my son finally talked me into going. Now I'm better."

"Really? Well aren't you supposed to stay sober when you get out?"

"I am sober! Alright, kid! I am. If I weren't I wouldn't be driving you around this whole damn town!"

Sarah scrunched down in her seat then mumbled, "Sorry…"

"You kids always judging your elders. You're like my son, Alex!"

* * *

Alex ran into the elevator where Derek was already pressing numbers.

"Karev…did you hear about Sarah?"

"Yeah, how's Meredith?"

"I don't know…I hope they're okay. Sarah _and_ Meredith…"

"We'll find her."

"Hopefully…"

The elevator door opened and the 2 men ran into the lock room where Meredith was still crying on Izzie's shoulder.

Derek walked up to her. "Mer…you okay?"

"Derek what if she…what if she…"

Alex jumped in. "She's going to be fine, Meredith…"

"God, I hope so!"

Izzie stroked Meredith's hair. "Shhh. Let it out," she turned towards Derek and Alex, "You two should look for her."

The 2 nodded. "Yeah, we'll go right now."

* * *

A/N: Okay, so the man is Alex's abusive father!!! hehe, tell me what you think in your reviews:) 


	30. I'll survive

Sarah stared at the strange driver. She repeated his words. "You're son, Alex?"

"Yep. That crazy kid beat the heck out of me. I mean, I probably deserved it but ah, but yeah, he was…he was something…"

She studied his face for a moment. "Would your son happen to be Alex Karev?"

"Yep. That's him. How do ya know that kid?"

Sarah stared ahead in amazement. She was driving with Alex's FATHER.

"I, uhm…my mom is friends with him."

"Ah, I see. Well I don't have a clue where that kid is and I don't care either."

"How do you not care about your son?"

"Alex was hardly my son…"

Sarah shook her head in disbelief then stared out her window. Now she REALLY wanted to get out of this car!

* * *

Derek banged on the wheel as a huge school bus cut him off. "DAMNIT! YOU ASS! YOU CUT ME OFF!"

Alex massaged his temple with an index finger in the passenger seat. "Where do you think she is?"

Derek breathed in deeply, inhaling the smell of fish that invaded his jeep. "I don't know. I don't know anything about her…even though she's my daughter I…" His voice trailed off then got quiet, "not a clue."

Alex sighed. He felt bad for Derek. He never got to know his kid. "Sorry man…"

He shook his head. "Don't be. But, can you…can you do me a favor."

Alex shifted in his seat then nodded his head. "Sure, what?"

Derek played around with the radio station. "Can you…please watch out for Meredith for me? Take care of her…"

Alex was a bit shocked by the request. "Uh, sure…of course, but…"

"She told me, Karev." He turned to face Alex. "She told me she loves you."

A tingly feeling spread throughout his body. Not fully believing it, he repeated, "She-she loves me?"

Derek ran his fingers through his hair and nodded. "Yep. Aren't you lucky?"

He lowered his head, feeling a bit guilty. "You gonna be okay?"

Derek exhaled deeply then turned towards Alex. "I'll survive…"

Out of respect, Alex nodded at him. Derek really was a great guy. "You know, Derek, you are a…decent guy."

He smiled. "I know."

Alex laughed then turned his head towards the window. "We made a promise to Meredith…we have to find Sarah."

Derek nodded then made a sharp turn at a stop sign. "And we will. I know we will…"

"Hopefully…"

All the sudden, a huge pick up truck started speeding towards them. Derek banged on the horn and yelled, "SLOWD DOWN!" But, that didn't stop the tuck from crashing into their jeep. The jeep spun all the way around then crashed head on with the truck. Derek's body was pressed up against the window, and his head was down. Alex's eyes were shut, and his legs were facing the back. In the truck, a little girl's head sagged over her shoulders while an older man's head rested on the steering wheel as a bottle of beer rolled past their feet…

* * *

**A/N: Review!!!!!**


	31. Dead or alive?

Izzie placed a reasurring hand on Meredith's shoulder and hugged her tight.

Meredith stared straight ahead of her. "Do you really think Derek and Alex will find her?"

Izzie nodded. "Of course they will, Mer! They both love her _and _you! They _will_ find her!"

Meredith looked at Izzie with tears in her eyes, her hands were trembling and her heart was beating in her ears. "This is my fault!"

"No it's not…"

"YES IT IS! If I would've just talked to her more she would've understood! And now…and now…"

Izzie grabbed her shoulders and turned her body towards her. "Listen to me! This is NOT your fault! They will find her, okay?! They WILL FIND HER!" She wiped some tears off Meredith's cheeks with her thumb and squeezed her hand. But, she didn't fully believe what she was saying. Because there was a strong possibility that Derek and Alex might _not_ find her…

* * *

Alex coughed as he struggled to pull open the crushed door that pressed against him. He groaned as he yanked open the door, causing pieces of glass to fall down and hit the cool concrete. He struggled to pull himself out of the car. He placed his hands on the road, and tried crawling out…ignoring the sharp pieces of glass that dug into his skin. Finally, he fell out of the car and rolled over to his side. He grabbed his stomach and moaned in pain. He looked at his leg and saw a huge shard of glass sticking out of his knee cap. He wrapped his left hand around the glass and quickly pulled it out. Blood gushed from his knee and Alex screamed in pain. Dust and dirt covered his face and hands, while blood dripped off his ripped clothes. The last thing he remembered was the flashing red and blue lights heading towards him, their loud sirens screaming at him. He closed his eyes then dropped his head.

The old man in the truck pushed himself up with his right hand and wiped some blood off his head. He pulled his leg out from underneath him and shifted in his seat. He moaned then ripped his shirt off, watching the shreds of cloth fall onto the floor of the car. He looked up when he heard the police sirens. He croaked then grabbed the beer bottle by his feet and threw it out the open window. He watched as the brown pieces of glass scattered all over the high way. He then pressed his thumb and index finger against the little girls neck, and heard nothing. Was she dead? What kind of story could he make up to tell the police? Suddenly the police men with their large guns ran towards his truck.

A muscular police man with a flashlight strapped to his hand yelled to his partners, "GUYS, THIS GUY'S AWAKE!"

The rest of the crew ran over to the truck and helped the old man out. A younger looking police man spotted a tiny leg. He grabbed the flashlight and his eyes grew big. "Oh my God, THERE'S A LITTLE GIRL IN HERE!"

Immediately, everyone yanked open the passenger door and pulled the girl out.

An EMS, who just arrived at the scene, examined her. "I don't hear any breathe signs. We have to get her to the hospital!"

They loaded Sarah onto one of the ambulances and took off full speed. The rest of the crew ran over to the crushed car and found Alex passed out on the ground. "TAKE HIM TO THE HOSPITAL!" Another EMS picked Alex up and loaded him onto the 2nd ambulance.

As they continued to look around the car, one police man found Derek. He pressed his hands against his neck. "THIS ONE HAS NO PULSE!" They loaded him onto the 3rd ambulance and took off. As the 3 ambulances pulled up to Seattle Grace the only people alive were Alex and his dad…

* * *

A/N: REVIEWWWW PLEASEE!!!! 


	32. Good and bad memories

Meredith stared as the gurneys pulled in: Alex, Derek, Sarah….she couldn't breathe. How did this happen?! She felt like she was going to faint. "Oh God…"

Izzie took Meredith and hugged her. Meredith couldn't help but cry. She felt like she was back in the water on that day. The day she gave up. She had the same feeling…just giving up.

After about an hour since the crash, Alex finally awoke. He blinked. "W-where am I?"

The nurse walked up to him. "Dr. Karev, you're in the hospital…Seattle Grace. You shouldn't try to get up. You're going to have to be on best rest for a while. Thankfully, all you needed was stitches…"

"Derek? Where's Derek?"

The nurse put down her chart then sighed. "He's in surgery now. He doesn't look so good."

Alex looked up at the ceiling. The porcelain colored walls made him dizzy. "Sarah? Did we ever find her?"

The nurse nodded sadly. "Yes…but she's hanging on a thread."

"WHAT?!" He raised his voice, "Nothing happened to Sarah! She wasn't in the crash…right?!"

The nurse looked down. "I'm sorry. She was in the car that hit you."

"W-who was driving?" His voice sounded panicked and dry.

She checked her papers. "Well, we actually found a few documents in his car and his name is…Peter. That's all we know."

Alex cringed. Peter? That sounded familiar. "What was the car?"

"A dark blue truck."

Alex stiffened. All other thoughts escaped from his head. This couldn't be happening! The room began to spin and he felt like throwing up! That was his dad!

* * *

Meredith sat still in the waiting room. She fixed her eyes on the huge Christmas tree in front of her. Christmas was right around the corning and normally her and Sarah would be Christmas shopping. She remember their last Christmas together…

_Flashback:_

_Meredith took a sip of her coffee. "Open your gift, Sarah…"_

_Sarah anxiously tour open the package, throwing the shreds of wrapping paper on the ground. She removed a beautiful silk, pink dress from the box. "OH MY GOSH!!!! THE DRESS I WANTED!!! MOMMY!! THANK YOU!!!"_

_Meredith put her finger up. "It wasn't from me…it was from Santa!"_

_Sarah rolled her eyes then gave her mother a huge hug. "Well then tell SANTA I said thank you."_

_She wrapped her arms tighter around her daughter. "He said you're very welcome."_

_Sarah released herself from her mother's grip. "Wait till Suzie sees this on me!"_

"_Oh you're gonna be hot!"_

"_MOMMY, we should buy you a matching outfit! We'll be the hottest people in the world!"_

_Meredith giggled. "We will?"_

"_Of course!"_

_She shook her head. "I doubt they have that in my size!"_

"_Not this dress ANOTHER dress, which reminds me," She took out a purple wrapped package from behind the tree. "This is for you!"_

_Meredith looked at her daughter curiously then opened it. "Oh my goodness! SARAH! This is gorgeous!" She took out the crème colored cock-tail dress. "How did you afford this?!"_

"_Tooth fairy money! I've been saving since I was three!"_

_Meredith smiled. "Aw, this is amazing! Thank you so much, sweetie! Who took you?!"_

"_That guy you work with…Kemp?"_

_Meredith gasped. "EW KEMP?! He stalks me!"_

_Sarah giggled. "I know! But I need an extra 50 bucks to buy it so I asked Kemp! He'd do anything for you!"_

_Meredith laughed then playfully shoved her daughter. "True…"_

"_But wait, mommy, there's more…I made this for you!" She took out a glittery card from under the couch and handed it to her mom. "It's a Christmas card…we made it in school. I worked on it for a WHOLE period!"_

_Meredith smiled. "Aw, this is so sweet. And you're the best daughter in the world!"_

_Sarah smiled then hugged her mom. "Okay mom, let's make a pact."_

"_A pact?"_

"_Yes, a pact…like…" She placed her finger on her chin, "Let's promise that we'll never leave Boston and we'll always be best friends."_

_Meredith smiled. "Sure."_

"_Okay, pink swear!" Sarah held out her pinky and Meredith shook it. _

* * *

**A/N: I wanted to show how Meredith and Sarah lived in Boston, so….REVIEW!!!! )**


	33. Just what you need

Derek breathed deeply as his eyes fluttered open. He could barley see anything. He looked down. He was in an entire body cast and his arms and legs were being held up. He groaned in pain. Suddenly, a nurse came in.

"Dr. Shepherd…can you hear me?"

He slowly nodded his head. "Whaa.."

"Don't try to talk. You are going to be in a great amount of pain for about 2 weeks but you should be fine."

He shifted uncomfortably in his body cast.

As the nurse left she ran into Izzie.

Izzie stopped the nurse right outside Derek's room. He sat up and tried his best to listen. "How's Sarah?"

"I'm sorry, Dr. Stevens, but you are going to have to let me go…"

"NO! You better tell me right now how my best friend's daughter is doing! Or I swear I'll kick your tiny preppy little ass!"

The nurse slowly looked down at her papers and sighed. She removed her glasses and shook her head. "I don't know…she's in the ICU. That's all I know."

Izzie quickly nodded then ran up to the ICU. Derek shut his eyes as he thought about Sarah in the ICU. What happened?! All he remembered was the speeding truck colliding with them. That was it. Was he the only one okay? What about Alex? Why was Sarah in the accident? So many questions swarmed his mind but he pushed them aside. He reached over his shoulder and groaned in pain as he pressed the "assistance" button. As a pretty blonde nurse walked in his room, she placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry, your girlfriend is right here."

Derek blinked. His girlfriend?! He totally forgot about Karen! Before he knew it, his over obsessive girlfriend stormed into the room. "DEREK ANTHONY SHEPHERD! WHAT DID YOU DO?!?"

Derek rolled his eyes. He then moaned in pain.

Karen softened up then grabbed a chair and took his hand. "I'm sorry, baby, you shouldn't talk. I was just so worried about you!"

He slowly nodded his head.

Suddenly, Meredith walked into the room. She immediately stepped back when she saw Karen.

Karen stood up. "Hi?"

"Uh…hi."

"May I help you?"

"Uh…I wanted to see how he was doing."

"He's fine…why are you so interested?"

Meredith shook her head then raised an eye brow. "You know what, I'm sorry…I'll be out of your hair."

She disappeared into the hall as Karen rolled her eyes and sat back down.

Derek tried to mumble something, but no words came out. Karen shouldn't have been that cold to Meredith! Right then, he wanted to dump his girlfriend. And he would have if he could talk…

* * *

Alex slammed his fist into the guard rails protecting him in the hospital bed. He wanted to kill his father! He angrily called out, "NURSE! I NEED A NURSE!" 

Olivia ran into his room. "Everything okay, Alex?"

"Take me to my father!"

"Alex, I don't think that's such a good…"

"BRING ME TO MY FATHER!"

Olivia hesitantly rolled Alex's bed to his father's room. His dad was rolling a beer bottle cap in his palm when Alex entered the room. At first, the two remained in silence. His dad was the first to break the silence. "Alex?"

"What the hell were you doing with Sarah!"

"You know that kid?"

"YES! AND WHAT WERE YOU DOING?!"

"I WAS DRIVING HER TO THE SPACE NEEDLE! THAT'S WHERE SHE SAID SHE WANTED TO GO!"

Alex raised his voice so loud that the nurses at the station turned their heads. "BULLSHIT! YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN ANEAR HER!"

"DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME, KID!"

"YOU SHOULD ROT IN HELL!"

Before Alex knew what he was doing, he ripped his oxygen mask off and stumbled to his father's bed. He wanted to kill that man and he probably would have if Meredith hadn't pulled him off of him.

She quickly grabbed Alex's shoulders and pulled him away from his frightened dad. She fell onto the bed, with Alex right next to her. "ALEX! What are you doing?!"

His breath was heavy and his eyes were fixed on his dad. "He…he…" Before Alex could even finish the sentence, he started crying. He had no clue why he was crying, but he figured it was because somewhere, deep in his heart, he actually loved his dad. Meredith's eyes softened as she rubbed his back. She assumed the man was his dad. Suddenly, Olivia came back into the room.

"Thank you Meredith…come on, Alex…let's go back to your room."

As Alex and Meredith entered his room, he wiped away the tears that stained his cheeks. "I'm sorry Meredith…"

"Shhh, Alex you didn't do anything!"

"That man was my father…he was the driver, he was with Sarah."

Meredith's face turned white. "He was?"

"Yes…Meredith I am so sorry."

She felt her hands clench into a fist. Right then, she wanted to kill the man as much as Alex did. She quickly calmed herself down. She exhaled deeply. "Okay…it's okay…"

Without thinking, Alex reached for Meredith's face and pulled her close to him. Their lips touched. It was just was he needed, to feel close to Meredith, when all hope seemed to be lost. It was what THEY needed...

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took a little bit longer than usual. I actually know how I am going to end this story, so the ending will probably be coming soon. But, please continue to review!!!!**


	34. Happy endings

Sarah's eyes fluttered open as her anesthesia slowly wore off. Meredith sat at the edge of her bed and smiled. "Welcome back, hunny!"

"What happened?"

"You got in an accident. They had a hard time fixing you at first but you're gonna be okay…"

Sarah saw that her mother had tears in her eyes. "Mommy, why are you crying?"

Meredith quickly wiped away the tears the stained her cheeks. "Cause mommy almost lost you…" She slowly inched herself up to her daughter and hugged her. She held on tight just in case her daughter only had one last breathe. "Sarah, baby, mommy loves you. You know that right? No matter what happens…Mommy's always gonna love you!"

Sarah smiled then stroked her mom's hair. "I know…I love you too!"

* * *

Alex stared out his door as he watched the cops question his dad. He knew his dad was going to be arrested. He caused the accident! They found beer in his car! He sighed then rubbed his temples. Suddenly, Olivia came in. "Alex? Meredith wanted me to tell you that Sarah is well."

Alex let out a sigh of relief. "Thank God!"

Olivia grinned but before she could leave Alex yelled, "What about Derek?!"

"He's fine too, Alex. You're all very lucky."

Alex smiled then settled back into his bed. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Finally, he felt relieved!

* * *

About 6 months passed after the accident. Alex, Sarah, and Derek all got out of the hospital, and were recovering nicely. Alex's father ended up in jail, and surprisingly, Alex didn't mind. It was what his father deserved. He even testified against him! But that wasn't the only thing Alex was happy about; he and Meredith also started to date. He loved the fact that he could call Meredith his girlfriend! He also loved that him and Derek were on good terms. Derek wound up dumping Karen and started spending more time with Sarah, so the two saw each other all the time. Finally, everything was starting to make sense…

* * *

Alex placed his arms around Meredith's hips as she washed the dishes. She giggled then playfully slapped him with a dishtowel. "STOP! You're making me laugh!"

Alex smiled as he nibbled on her neck. Suddenly, Sarah came running down the stairs. "MOM! WHERE ARE MY SILVER EARINGS?!"

Meredith smiled then pulled a pair of silver, sparkly earrings out of her purse. "You put them in there the other day…"

Sarah snatched the earrings then started to jump up and down. "I CAN'T BELIEVE DAD IS TAKING ME TO LA!"

Meredith laughed. She was SO glad Derek and Sarah were spending time together. And taking her to his LA convention was the PERFECT opportunity! Sarah ran up and hugged her mom. "WE ARE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN!"

Meredith rubbed her daughter's back. "I bet!"

Suddenly, Meredith's phone started to vibrate. She quickly picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mer, it's Izzie! Are we still on for dinner tomorrow night?"

"Yep!"

"Good, okay I just wanted to check in. How's Sarah?"

"So excited!"

Izzie laughed. "That's great, okay call me later! Bye doll!"

"Bye!"

Meredith quickly shut her phone off and smiled. She and Izzie had grown closer than ever since the accident and she really enjoyed her company! She ended up startling herself when the doorbell rang. She quickly opened her large, brown door. "Hey Derek!"

He quickly kissed her on the cheek. "Hey Mer! Where's that little…"

Sarah came running out, her suitcase trailing behind her. "I'M RIGHT HERE DAD!"

Derek smiled as he lifted her up and spun her around. "Are you excited munchkin?"

"YOU BET!"

"Good, well we better hurry we're gonna miss our flight!"

Sarah quickly untangled herself from Derek's arms then kissed her mom and Alex goodbye. "SEE YOU IN A WEEK!"

Alex leaned against the counter. "You two have fun!"

Derek scooped Sarah's suitcase up. "Oh we will!"

Meredith waved as her daughter and Derek disappeared into the hot, summer day. She exhaled deeply as the door slammed shut. "Well, we're alone!"

Alex gave a devilish smile then scooped Meredith up. "Well you know what that means!"

Meredith giggled then kissed him. She had grown to love him. Even though the last year had been rough on them, everything came full circle. Everything seemed in place. She did love Alex, and she knew that he loved her.

Alex quickly spun her around and carried her up the stairs. "You've been a very bad girl Miss Grey…"

Meredith laughed, which made Alex smile. He loved her laugh! His smile grew as he thought about the 3 K. square cut ring that sat in the center of her bed with a pillow resting neatly underneath it…

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took forever to update! But this is the end! (!!! I'm so sad cause I consider this my first fanfic! Thanks for making this such a great experience! Thank you to all of my reviewers and readers! I love you all! But anyway, yes, Alex proposed to Meredith! AHHH! And Derek and Sarah are happy, so everything is all good! Hehe, now if you want I could do a sequel to this where Alex and Mer get married, and Sarah and Derek return from LA…and of course it'll have lots of drama and surprises! Tell me what you think in your reviews!!! Again, thank you!!!**


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